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Move along now, nothing to see here.

2008-08-08T20:40:00.002+08:00

Another day, another boring period in the life of NS. When all my worries are over and done with, other questions suddenly surface. I'm now faced with a dilemma - should I go for the functional endoscopic sinus surgery to remove the piece of hollow bone high inside my right nostril that isn't supposed to be there?

According to the E.N.T. Specialist I'm seeing at NUH, he strongly recommends that I go for the surgery. According to him, if I don't go for the surgery, my sinus infection will keep recurring, because of the bone's obstruction of liquids from being drained from my nasal passages. And, it might cause the development of meningitis in the long run. Seeing photos of autopsies conducted on people who have died, and who had meningitis before death, are pretty sick, especially the weird colour of the brain.

However, the complications of the surgery are such that if any accident happens during the procedures, I might end up with a punctured right eye or right frontal lobe. Both of which are easily repaired, but with unknown side effects after recovery. I wish things were more simple, Hopefully, a miracle happens and that piece of bone disappears.

Book-in Day

2008-07-27T20:43:00.002+08:00

It's been a year and 2 months since I enlisted for National Service. The road hasn't been long, but somehow, it feels as if I've been through a lot, changing from being the gung-ho boy in BMTC School 1 Falcon Coy, to the brooding thinker and a clerk in 21SA. I felt the ups and downs like no one I've known. From a stable relationship with the love of my life, to a sudden break-up, my recruit days were marred with the tears mixed in the rain during my outfield training and the silent blood tears dripping from a torn heart. I didn't really know how to handle it, everything seemed to go hand in hand to make me feel so down; the daily heavy rains, my knee and back injuries due to the SOC training and the insensitive comments by my fellow recruits, and the male members in my family, as well as my friends. "There are always other girls around! This weekend when you book out let's go and meet girls!" That said, being the immature brats that most guys are when faced with such problems, that is the only thing they know how to do - get into rebound relationships.

I could have said now that I nearly came out on top of it all, but months ago those dreams and words spoken by friends who knew my ex-girlfriend in poly threw me off when I was so close to the peak. I don't know how it could have been that those words they said could have affected me that much. Maybe I wasn't prepared to accept the present and embrace a new future as I thought I was. The weakness I had within left me feeling helpless, and then the injuries I had that I exacerbated during BMT all came back in a flash. The turmoil within isn't that big of a joke, as assumed by my friends. I wonder why it is that people always think that I'm such a tough guy who's able to be hit here and there and still be able to be standing after the storm. I'm just as fragile as everyone else. I can't leave my feelings and emotions on a shelf, I can't detach myself from what happened. I want these to end. I want to start anew. There's no one I find close enough to stand by my side to hold me up.

And till today, I still miss her. I miss the days we spent together. I know that those days will never return to me in reality, and that all I can do now is to hold on to these memories that I have, and hope for a better future. The scar that's on my heart will never go away, but the pain might just go away one day.

Tired

2008-07-02T03:40:00.003+08:00

It is night, and one of many past and yet to come. For weeks I've been standing on top of the mountain of my life, looking for a new beginning, and yet again my heart has led me into another illusion, one that might shatter my life. Sleepless at night, I toss and turn, but my head finds nothing to lie on, my mind finds no rest. My heart, it carries on beating strong and loud, like a war drum at the beginning of conflict, but as time carries on, it slowly diminishes and fades.

To choose not to think, understand nor comprehend, she runs away to hide. The echoes of my beating heart are carried to her ear, but not acknowledged. My optimism starts to wane, and the fruits of realism start to grow. When now will they ripen, and widen the chasm that has started to separate our hearts and soul.

I endeavoured to accept and understand her, yet she is unwilling to comply. The key to locking the door on my past she could have been, but now all that remains is for the memories to fade, as the darkness awaits, and the apologies that were given, are nothing but useless excuses.

A run to remember

2008-06-11T03:10:00.002+08:00

Came home from camp today feeling so sick. Reached home around 12.30am. Sigh. Sometimes work just can't get done on time. This from the army, a so-called "well-oiled machine". Well-oiled with alot of bull shit and office politics. Different units and departments just can't work well with one another. Sigh.

Still, I have to receive BS from my bunk-mates as well. Monday night wasn't feeling well. My boss was sick and kept coughing around me. Went to bunk around 9pm. Showered, took my sleeping pills, watched a little TV and fell asleep around 11.15pm. Bunk-mates came back at 11.57pm, according to my watch. Asses woke me up with their banging of the bunk door, switching on and off of the lights, and loud talking. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I popped another pill and went out for a smoke to let the pills take effect. Went back to bunk after that, lights were off, tried to sleep but that ass Peijie started talking loudly with his girlfriend. It's not my fault I'm a light sleeper, even with the sleeping pills inside me.

Finally I fell asleep. But guess what? THE ENTIRE FUCKING BUNK WOKE UP AT 3-FUCKING AM TO WATCH A SOCCER MATCH ON TV WITH THE VOLUME ON HIGH! And my bed is just beside the FUCKING TV. So I did what I had to do after another 30 mins of tossing and turning in bed - I popped another pill. It took me another 30 mins to fall asleep. Because of the ruckus they made, I couldn't even sleep well. Next day Jerome had to wake me up at 7.15am by kicking my bed. The asshole. It's not my fault he's a fucking heavy sleeper and he can sleep through all that noise. All those bastards showed me attitude problems on Tuesday morning because I went down late. I was still so woozy after the extra pills I had to pop. Wanted to complain to my boss about their behavior but, it's the first time they did that, so I'm going to be understanding.

Bottom line? You want to watch soccer, go ahead. Just don't fucking IRRITATE THE FUCK OUT OF THOSE WHO ARE ILL, LIGHT SLEEPERS, AND TRYING TO SLEEP.

Ethnicity in Question

2008-06-07T04:32:00.003+08:00

From the start, I've had no doubts about my Chinese roots. But today, I've been confounded by the words of some Filipino Chicks at a pub. "You look Filipino! You're nice. That's why I like you", followed by the affimation of her friends. Gah. Now I'm Filipino. Thanks a bunch.

Years back when I was 15 it was an incident with a couple of Japanese tourists, a husband-wife duo, who stopped me along Orchard Road, and started speaking to me in Japanese. Gee. They kept at it for a few minutes, albeit with me gesturing with my hands that I didn't understand the hell they were saying. Giving up, I said, "Sorry, I'm not Japanese." The man said, "Solly, yoo look-a Japanese-a. Solly. Carn you direck us to Istana?" See? It wasn't so hard to speak in the Universal Tongue?

During the Korean Drama craze, which is still going around, I've had my aunts and cousins remarking how fair my complexion was, and their friends saying that I looked Korean, and whether I had Korean blood in me. Idiots, all of them.

Recently, after I enlisted for National Service (NS), people kept speaking to me in Malay or English. I found it rather odd, so I tried speaking in Mandarin to one cabbie. The bugger got a shock. The buffoon thought that I was Eurasian! Must have been the deep tan, but my facial features and name-frigging-tag on my uniform should have been obvious to them. One Malay neighbour even thought that I just moved into my block and struck up a conversation in Malay. Idiot. I didn't even change that much!

And now to top it off, some Filipino chicks think I'm Filipino. Thanks for confirming the suspicions that I've had of why the Filipino maids of my relatives and neighbours, and Filipino ex-colleagues of mine from the American Club keep glancing/winking at me, and generally trying to flirt with me.

I'm a frigging Mongoloid for crying out loud! I've slanted eyes and yellow skin! Only my nose and chin don't really look like a Chinese, according to ex-girlfriends of mine, although how they all reach that conclusion is a mystery to me. The only thing I want people to think is that I'm an American-born chinese. At least then I won't have to converse in Mandarin, which I suck at.

On another note, I really hate those middle-class Caucasian Males even more. Lustful bastards who just come to Singapore to "have a good time" with Asian girls. They just reinforce the stereotype that Caucasian Males are just horny bastards who "dig" Asian girls because they're easy, which just irks me as much. How can Asian girls be so gullible as to think that rich Caucasian men would want to have a good time with them, by which I mean one-night-stands or with sexual encounters, and still want to bring them home to be their wives. I can't believe how stupid those girls are. A real embarassment to Asian girls who loath such behavior, but are harassed by Caucasians and Asians alike because of these black sheep. Those idiots think that just because it's a Caucasian guy who's saying it, it means they're loaded with cash.

Contrary to that belief, those horny Caucasian men are probably asset poor asses who come here to have a good time because it's cheap and safe here, then just go home to brag about it to their friends. I've met alot of rich Caucasian men while working in the American Club, and talking to them, they hate the guts of these horny bastards, as they know they're making the good ones look bad. How I hate such people. How I hate them. They should all burn. In Hell.

2008-06-01T01:26:00.002+08:00

It's been a 5 crappy weeks for me. To those who say that a clerk's job is simple, I'd like to say "FUCK YOU". Really. And to those who think that I'm skiving in the army because I'm seeing a psychiatrist for treatment, I just want to tell you that if you don't know what's going on in my life now, just shut the fuck up. I've enough of you retarded fuck-ups who assume that you know everything that's going on in my life.

The dreams are becoming more and more surreal each night that goes by. I wake up before each dream completes itself. And when I wake up, I find myself perspiring, even when it's cold. Often, I find myself in weird positions, like my leg bent under my body or my upper body leaning over the side of the bed, nearly touching the floor. I thought the sleeping pills would give me a good and restful sleep, but that's not the case; even with the pills in my system, I still experience the same situations. It's not only when I'm in camp, even when I'm home I go through the same experiences.

Even while awake now, it seems like something is around. Yesterday afternoon I heard someone calling me while I was home alone. The main door and windows in the apartment were all closed, yet I distinctively heard a woman's voice calling my name. And while I was taking a shit last night, I heard someone pottering around in my kitchen. The sounds of a cupboard door opening and closing, and of some plastic containers being opened and closed. Is it not enough that the filipino maids in my estate find me attractive, but that I must go through this shit as well?

On another thought, I think it's time I gave up on a useless pursuit. It's no use waiting for her to accept me, it's useless for me to wait. I'm not the one she wants. Gah. So emo. Fuck it. Really. If only I could be the emotionless bastard that I once was, who didn't give a shit about the feelings of others, who didn't give a shit what position he or she held in life. I think my life could be more satisfying then. I wonder when it was that I started giving a shit about what other would think. I think then I wouldn't be suffering now.

But the me now would rather suffer than let others suffer. Gah. What a fucking loser I am. FUCK.

In my dreams once again

2008-05-17T05:04:00.003+08:00

Tonight, I went fishing. Unlike most nights I spend fishing alone at Lower Pierce Reservoir when I'm moody, there were people who kept me company tonight, friends and strangers they were. First off were 2 Ah Bengs who came over to the "jetty" and talked with me, then before they left, Jianmin and his friend showed up. Shortly after they left, an Indian fellow called Joe showed up to keep me company. Weird and jumpy conversation was the mainstay of the night, but I was glad for it; I don't know what I might have done if I was alone.

Since a couple of weeks back, I've been having vivid dreams of Gu Yu. It's weird that I keep dreaming of her, and even in the day, when I'm thinking of stuff, she pops into my mind spontaneously. I don't know whether it's my subconscious reliving those moments I've spent with her, or a weird "psycho-kinetic" connection with her telling me something, but I know I just want to get over her. I don't want to think of her. I'm so scared that I'll go into a relapse, a time
past that I don't ever want to go through again.

Those months past when I was suffering from major depression was the worst period of my life. A break-up with Gu Yu, my posting to 41SAR, my friends ragging me about Gu Yu being a bitch fuelled my depressive mood. For want of a macho image, I hid behind a facade of "I'm only feigning depression to get out of 41SAR", I knew that I was slipping further and further into an abyss, and the further I fell, the harder it was to get out. It didn't help at all that often when the thought of Gu Yu popped into my head, Jay Chou's Coral Sea would just myteriously play a split second later. Even till now, it's still the case. The significance was that at that point in time near to the end of our relationship, Coral Sea was her favourite song by Jay Chou.

Right now, before I go back to scheduling a session with my psychiatrist, I think I need to inform my boss about what's going on, because as my superior, she needs to "be kept in the loop". I don't know how she'd react, because she doesn't know about that part about why I was depressed for that period of time. Most people would think it's silly to get depressed over such matters. I know that too, I'm aware that I shouldn't be this way, but I don't know how to address the problem. I work late, I push myself with exercise sessions to tire myself out, but nothing's working. I don't want to be this way, I don't want things this way and I don't want my life to continue forever in this direction.

The stressful part is that I've also been thinking about Gu Yu as if I'm still in a relationship with her. I know it's over, but I don't know, and I wonder why I'm suddenly thinking this way after so many months without seeing her. In my heart, she has died, and I want it to remain that way. I was never this stressed after my Grandma passed away in February this year, because I know that my Grandma would look after, and watch over me even if she's in the afterlife, that she's still around taking care of me. But for my past with Gu Yu, even though I've relinquished hold over those memories, they still come back. No matter how deep I bury them, burn them or delete them from my soul, still they come back without my wanting them.

My life. My dreams. My future. It's affecting my everthing. I don't know what's going on with regards to her existance now. But if there are things that are meant to be, please tell me, don't torment me, just rest in peace and leave me be.

Home again!

2008-05-09T22:35:00.002+08:00

Whew! I'm finally home again. It's been a really hectic 2 months for me. Been working from like 8am to almost 3am. One day to another day, and I wake up at like 7.30am. And my weekend often gets burned. Create the charge for this guy, that guy, run the office, push people to do work. And my fellow NSF clerks in the S1 Branch of my unit treat me like the Assistant Chief Clerk. Damn it. They always ask me what to do, pushing me to liaise with the Officers and regular Specialists because I'm so called the super "up" (meaning that I'm like the go-to, most knowledgeable and up to standards guy) in the Branch.

As the Regimental & Discipline (R&D) Clerk in the unit, my job's pretty menial and routine, yet calls for a scheming and intelligent mind in order to lower the punishments given by commanders or to help the men escape their extra duties. That's only so I have less work to do. But the shit hits the fan now that certain shit is happening and many people are getting extras or have to be summarily tried, put under close or open arrest, or even worst, Court-Martialled.

Working until 3am just to put everything in order so as to avoid an admin lapse, with my boss helping me so that I won't be bogged down by work. I don't want to get slapped with a lapse, because that would mean that I could be punished by the big-wigs in MINDEF, and be sent to DB. Even worse, my boss is a regular with a family to take care of. If she were to be charged, then the shit would really hit a friggin' hurricane and be splashed all over the world. Other than that, it would be pretty retarded to actually draft my own Charge report and then charge myself. That would be really... retarded. Haha.

Gah... And the government really gives too paltry an allowance to us clerks. The combat side gets like combat and hazard pay, plus they can take off as and when they want when the training's in a lull, they can sleep by 11pm, book out on Fridays and return on Sundays and not worry about work, while we in the HR side really bust our asses out to make sure everything is in order, working late and stressing ourselves out for only $400 a month. That's real BS from the government. And I dare to state that for the work I'm doing, I should at least be paid $1800 a month. It's more taxing than working in the F&B line, and even there I can earn up to $2400 a month as a part-timer, and sleep and slack more. I'm burning more brain cells than a grunt who's just paid to follow orders. I'm paid a pittance to burn my brain cells and get eye bags and basically do an Officer's job.

It really pisses me off that we in the S1 Branch have to stay back until 8~9 pm when the entire unit's given a half-day off, and not be able to claim it because after our work's done, more shit gets shovelled our way as a huge "thank you for a job well done" from our Commanding Officer. I swear, the bugger had better stop sun-tanning in Sentosa. The Sun's really frying his brains to a crisp and thus, he's not thinking right. I hope he uses lots of sun-block in SA.

2008-04-24T10:03:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you just want to love someone, it can be so hard. Especially when that girl is probably looking in another direction, for someone else's attention.

What I don't understand is why girls are always attracted to guys who just want to make use of them. I should stop having double standards and stop being so nice to girls, like Kooch said; I should just be myself and maybe treat them as I would my other friends. Especially to the girl I like.

It's becoming obvious that it's beginning to affect my work. I want to go, but my heart tells me to stay. And I'm becoming slack in what I do best. I've lost my witty words, my sarcasm, basically, all my mental agility. I've been lost too long. It's time to find myself again.

Final Fantasy VII

2008-04-21T16:08:00.002+08:00

Well, it's been ages, but FF VII Crisis Core's out. It's a sort-of sequel to FF VII, and explains the story of Zack, with cameos of characters from FFVII. It's a freaking awesome game!

I've been a fan of FF VII ever since I played it some 9 years ago, and still am a fan. From the start of the original to the end, I couldn't help but be amazed by the depth of the plot and the development of the characters. It was my introduction to the world of RPG-gaming, and to date, FF VII still sets the standard of any RPG game I've touched since then. To me, FF VIII was ok, IX horrible, X engaging (but only about 8/10), X-2 a little off and the rest, well, I haven't played the rest yet.

To me, a good game engages the player's senses and emotions, and VII was just that good. Back then, those graphics were considered the best ever seen, the soundtrack awesome (especially the Boss Battle Theme: Still More Fighting) and the storyline so well developed it left me so caught in the game I spent like 8 hours just fighting monsters after the 1st visit to Kalm and just before catching a Chocobo to outrun the Midgar Zolom. I remember being Level 46 then, and could have easily killed the damn snake. LoL. And all these parts come together and appeal to the gamer's senses and emotions, bringing the gameplay to another level, making the player so immersed in the game that at every cut scene, you can actually feel like you're part of the game.

The main thing that caught me off guard was the death of Aerith at the hands of Sephiroth. It was a first for me to actually see and feel the death of a main character in a game. Alot of gamers were shocked, because Aerith was a very well-developed character (not only physically), but personality-wise. Everyone thought that she would survive, but she died at the end of the 1st disc. It was at that point, during the cut-scene when Sephiroth dropped down with the Masamune and stabbed Aerith through the abdomen, ending the heroine's life with one stroke (I know I'm writing all this and it sounds like sexual innuendo, but bear with it), that the emotional content was at its peak.

Aerith was my favourite character, and a lot of people assumed that she liked Cloud. But apparently if they played VII as many times as I did (I only know it's way more than 10 times), they would realize that Aerith found Cloud to be an almost exact copy of Zack, and that she was trying to find out who he really was, that Zack's character traits showed alot in Cloud and she was just curious about why Cloud was a SOLDIER 1st Class and didn't know Zack.

But back to the point. Crisis Core rocks as a prequel to VII, and it's a great game. Materia concepts similar to VII, battle wise it's similar to the ATB style, except that you can run all over the place and evade (more interactive and action-styled). Downside was the DMW Limits and Summons, though they also have their good points. Even after slaying all the monsters, sometimes the DMW might still be triggered, but it's ok, at least you'll get extra SP, and if you're lucky, maybe a DMW scene for a certain character that might just boost it to 100% in the DMW menu or materia level up. Some players complain about it, I think it's just neat that I get that extra random chance to level up or to complete my DMWs. Another downside to battles is that I can just mash the X and Square buttons and just get away in battles (only after getting all the Genji accessories). It would be better if the monsters leveled up in stats according to Zack's current level and that there were sword combos to use. But then again, I shouldn't expect so much, otherwise the game wouldn't just be like 1.05GB.

Other than the battles, which incudes mission mode that allows players to fight tougher monsters (which were a challenge), the cut scenes were spectacular and the characters engaging. It allows you to see how everything was 7 years befire before VII. Though I disappointed myself because I kept playing the missions, and when I battled with Sephiroth, I was already lvl 76. Killed the bugger in like 3 slashes. That really killed my game. Now I'm just collecting items to max out my materia with stats to boost Zack's stats. Missions 99% complete, and I'm just left with Minerva to battle in the missions. WOOT! After which I'm going to kill that bitch and Genesis and start a New Game +. Can't wait to fight enemies with higher stats. I'm looking for a challenge!

Rawr~

Weird Dreams

2008-04-21T02:01:00.003+08:00

It's pretty scary how dreams can be. It's been 7 months since my last relationship. God, singlehood's so good. I'm enjoying it, but... Something seems to be lacking in my life.

My last relationship ended on a sour note, and I haven't thought of or contacted her since then, so it was pretty freaky on a Saturday last month when I was doing weekend clerk duty in camp and I dreamt of Gu Yu. It was so real, so vivid. I dreamt that my parents were fetching me back to camp when my dad stopped the car at a red light. Suddenly, I see her walking up to my car. She knocks on my window and I wind it down. The only sentence that she said to me was "We haven't really broken up yet. You still belong to me." That freaked me out. Imagine taking a nap on a hot afternoon and suddenly waking up because of a weird dream. Wasn't the only one. The next Saturday, I had a dream with my Grandma, who just passed away in Feb, and Gu Yu in it. Wasn't any words said that I recall, but, did they have to appear together? What's the significance?

Anyway, I still can't get over the fact that my Grandma's not around anymore. I miss the weekly visits to her place and the food she cooked. She cooks the best meals I've ever tasted in my life. And recently, I've joked with my mom that even if she became a Grandmother, I don't think her cooking would be of a Grandmother's standard. Guess it was one of those emo days when I see food and am reminded of how good my Granny's cooking was.

Back to the point. I don't know how I could have dreamt of Gu Yu. Hopefully she's alright. It's pretty scary when you have such dreams of a person and she tells you that. Scenario's pretty much like Shutter. The spirit coming back to haunt a lover *shudder*. Pretty weird too, because since that day my shoulders have become sore. I only realized the relevance of the sore shoulders after I watched Shutter 2 weeks back. It's eerily like what my shoulders are feeling now. Sore. Gah. WTF. All I wish for is that Gu Yu's alright. Though we're not in contact anymore, I just hope she's doing fine in her life. I guess now, the only thing I can do now is to say a final farewell to the period of time when she and I were together.

Gah... Going to bed now. Have to be at NUH at 11.15am for a CT scan on my brain. Hopefully there's no tumors or clots within. But if there is, well, I might just get early ORD. LoL.

And if a certain someone reads this, I bet I will hear her say "Not funny lor". Heh...

2007-10-27T03:35:00.000+08:00

Another long hiatus between posts.

NS has really sapped my energy and I don't really have anything interesting to blog about NS anyway, even though it takes up alot of my time now. But with regards to NS, I think my most enjoyable time was spent in Tekong in BMTC 1. I prefer it to life in an active unit. Now that I'm in 41SAR after dropping out of SISPEC, it really sucks. I can't believe that I've been posted to the 41st Armored Regiment as an Armor Infantry soldier, given that I'm injured, chest, arms, back, knees and left ankle. Sigh... that's how it is with NS. I'm getting the feeling that the government doesn't really care about us conscripted soldiers.

But another thing that's not helping my life now is that I still haven't gotten over with breaking up with Gu Yu. Even now, I'm not sure whether it's a break-up, or just a long hiatus because we haven't the time to meet. She's working 7 days a week for a company that's involved with the Integrated Resorts project, and I'm in NS. I throughly miss her so much, and every night, when I'm sleeping, I dream of her, reaching out her hand to catch me again as I'm running to her.

The dream is the same every night, and during the day, I just keep thinking of her. I can't forget her, the love that I longed to have. The girl whom I liked since day 1 in Ngee Ann Poly. From the first day I saw her, I fell so deeply in love with her, and it's depressing to say that I only got to know her in my 6th and final semester, and we broke up about 10 months later. As the date of our "anniversary" approaches, the 26th of December, I really can't help but think of her so much more now that we're apart. Everytime I book out and return home, I lean out my window and fondly look towards the North, towards Woodlands, where she lives.

I can't stop. I don't know why. It wasn't like this with other girls. Everytime I try to forget her, somehow she comes back to my mind and the memories of her become increasingly vivid. Why's that so, I don't really know - I haven't a clue. God above, please help me win back this girl, who has shattered my world to pieces, for I need her to fix everything back for me. I don't care what she's done with her life before I came into it, but I don't care. You taught me to love, Father, and that's why I can love her, to care for her and to want to understand her.

She has my blog address and I wonder if she reads my blog now and then. Gu Yu, I still love you so much.

2007-09-17T16:24:00.000+08:00

I hope this helps to clarify - I hope you die.

Bloodhound Gang playing on my winamp as I go through another boring afternoon. There's nothing much to do on afternoons. I get so lathargic during these periods of warmth and light. As usual, I'm just moping. In another one of my moods. Need a wake up call to get my blood pumping again. I can't believe that it's been 3 weeks that I've broken up with Gu Yu. Granted, I should be over this tragedy, but it's taking longer than I've imagined.

Maybe it's the boredom that I'm feeling right now. Yesterday afternoon was the same, I spent my time on Yahoo Answers being such a bastard, shooting down people asking stupid questions like "Do you believe in my god?", and yet doesn't put down a description of who his so-called "god" is, or rhetorical ones like "I should find emo guys to talk to". Redundant in all its entirety.

Gosh, I think I better get out an do something. I feel like cycling now, but my knee still hurts pretty bad. Thinking of buying a skateboard though. It's been a long time I've done anything stupid on one of those confounded contraptions. Fishing's another thought. I think if I can find my reel I'll go fishing tonight. Not a bad idea huh? Maybe I should. Land a huge fish and all. BORED!

2007-09-16T02:46:00.000+08:00

You know, I never really knew how much I had in life. Focusing on the present and what I had in single moments, and not what I had all along, really made me blind to everything. I think that maybe now, I can move on in life renewed.

But no matter how, or what, I'll just wait for her, because there's this part of me that wants to wait for her to come back. A life of contradictions and complexities I do lead, because my life is never simple.

Linette?

2007-09-14T15:34:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah. I've finally graduated from BMTC! Woot! It was a happy occasion for me. No longer being a recruit and all, doing shit in Tekong. It's been a long and trying time for me, and suffice to say, I haven't really performed to my maximum potential during the BMT phase; I was only at around 20%. My personal problems kept me phased out on a regular basis. Problems with Gu Yu was my main concern. I rarely had 3 hours of sleep because we had so many problems to resolve, and I spent most of the hours after lights out thinking about her and our problems. Only 2 weeks before our Passing-Out Parade did we break up. It was a trying time for me, and I went around my duties with a heavy heart, faking a smile or laugh so that my commanders and fellow recruits wouldn't ask me so many questions.

However, there are so many good things that happened during BMT. I made so many new friends and learned new stuff. My commanders were great and supportive, bearing with the nonsense I perpetuate everywhere I go. All were disappointed when I dropped out of Situational Test (a test to see if you can become a commander), most of all my Platoon Commander, because he put really high hopes on me to get into OCS.

But, the one thing that really brightened up my day in BMT was Linette's call when I was booking in for the last time before the POP. Oh, how I miss that chatty and cynical girl, her sarcasm and wit, plus the occasional words of encouragement. I don't believe that I'll ever meet someone like her again, someone who really brightens up my life so much. We may have had quarrels in the past, but who can really stay mad at a girl like her? Basically, when people ask me why I don't get a Singaporean girlfriend, it's because of her. She's the only Singapore girl that really makes me want her. No other girl comes that close to putting a vice grip on my heart and threatening to squeeze it dry. Heh. That's Linette. You gotta love that girl.

2007-08-19T14:55:00.000+08:00

Back again. This time I'm a NSF. I only know that NS stands for ''National Service''. Don't know what the ''F'' stands for. Maybe it's ''F'' for ''Fucked'', as in, ''National Service, we're Fucked''. Should be. I sure as hell know that, now that my girlfriend wants to break up. I rarely get to see her now that she's working and I'm in camp like 5-6 days a week.

I'm just annoyed by it. Why now? Maybe ''annoyed'' isn't such a good word to use. I think ''extremely pissed off, moody and disconsolate'' are better words to use. She doesn't even want to give me a reason for it.

I'm just left hanging there, and I feel so sad about how everything's going. I still love her. I miss her. Hope she comes back.

In Retrospect

2007-04-28T01:20:00.000+08:00

It's April 28th. Gee, I wonder, it's so long since I've last saw her. Her cellphone's constantly switched off. I don't know what she's up to. People keep telling me to get a new girlfriend. I wonder if I should, and I know what many people would say about that. "Two's enough already! Stop it man!"

Right-o! I don't have the financial capabilities to support that many. I wonder what Gu Yu's doing right now. I can't seem to forget about her. My bad for not treating her right when she was still around. Like that song one song I've heard before that goes something like "I believe that you don't know what you've got until you've said goodbye". "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. It's such an old song, but that one line always gets stuck in my head. It always reminds me of the stuff I did to deserve what I'm going through now.

Life isn't fair, most people say. But what's fair? You do stuff that your parents probably wouldn't condone, and then rant and rave about how the world's so unfair. I wonder if people out there really took a look at themselves and thought "Hey, I think I do deserve the shit I'm going through right now". It's pride that makes people not see where their faults lie. And no matter whom it is, they still have the pride hidden deep inside that denies what they've ever done wrong. I'd say that that's a complex idea, because even though I admit to my faults and that I do deserve what I'm getting now, I still take alot of pride in myself knowing what I know about it. It's a vicious cycle. Damn.

I sometimes ask myself out loud"WHY ME?", and then I hear a reply that booms back at me "IF NOT YOU, THEN WHOM?" And I stand by the age old tradition of "Stupid questions get redundant answers".

Now, I wish upon my star, or any star, that she'll come back soon. I do miss her. I'm not used to showing any emotion at all, but for her, the girl who stole my heart, Gu Yu, I'll do so. I miss you, Gu Yu. I wish you'd come back soon.

2007-04-09T23:21:00.000+08:00

I'm back to blogging. Somehow this is the only way I can fully get things off my chest.

I'm frustrated that she can be so indifferent to me. There're so many things that have been said between us, and the most hurtful thing she ever said was "I totally forgot about you." It's like if we're not together, it wouldn't hurt so much. But we are, and that's why. I've been mulling over it. What caused the change in her attitude? I don't know.

I just got back from a long cycling trip. From home to the Macritchie Reservoir trail to Bishan to Bukit Timah to Choa Chu Kang, then on to Woodlands, to Yishun, and to Ang Mo Kio, and then finally back home. Along the way, I was thinking about her, and then the song "Graduation (Friends Forever)" came into play on my iPod Nano. I started thinking about my life with her. It was so short. I started thinking about alot of things while weaving in and out of traffic (yeah, I'm that experienced a cyclist). Thinking about the time when she had left for about 2 weeks and I called her to scare her, telling her that I had been in a minor accident and I injured my left knee. I wanted to see how she would react. Somehow, I hadn't expected her to call me an idiot, to stop thinking about her so much, and that I was weak for "missing her so much". God... the heartache.

But I grew stronger after that episode. When I reached Woodlands, I cycled to her block. The nostalgia hit me real hard. I was tired after cycling. I was just sitting under her block, smoking and thinking about the times we spent together *sigh* and then I gave up thinking. Any more thoughts about it and I could forget about ever needing to start cycling home.

So now I'm on the road home. I swear that if anyone ever tells me that no one can lose their way in Singapore because of it's size, I will hit that person (if their gender isn't female). I got lost after I reached Woodlands MRT. Boy... did I forget the route home. Spent 30 minutes asking people for directions and them giving me half-assed answers. The road home was shorter than the road there. God, how I miss Gu Yu. Re-shuffled the songs in my iPod, and magically, "Graduation" came on again. Damn it. The angst and emo-ness in the song nearly got to me.

Gu Yu, if you're reading this, know that I'm not some half-assed cyclist who will get into an accident while thinking about the girl he loves and is missing.

Facing up to reality

2007-04-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

I've only known her for 1 month before getting romantically invovled with her. I've been in a relationship with her for 3 months, ending February. I haven't seen her for almost 2 months. She's been gone for such a short while, yet somehow it feels like it's been years since I've last seen her. When I think of her, I can't help but miss her. When I miss her, I can't help but be miserable. When I'm miserable, I know I'm without her. When I know I'm without her, I know I do love her.

I know I sound like a whiny little bitch, probably like those jack-holes who make police reports about people who flame them. I can almost hear my friends shouting "Dump that stupid broad!". It must be karma. Previous girlfriends were told by their friends to give up on me, but they still persisted on, and I ended up breaking their hearts. I guess it's now my turn to experience the hurt I've dealt.

I don't know why I love this girl so. I don't know why. I can go on dates with other girls (yeah I know I'm being a bastard), but when I get home at night, I can't shake the feeling that I've done something morally wrong. I haven't talked to her in weeks, I haven't seen her smile. All I've got is a picture of her in my wallet. She's smiling, and it melts and cracks my heart in 2 knowing that she's not around. It feels like Global Warming deep down in my chest. Polar ice caps melting and cracking.

But I'm slowly growing stronger, the hurt's no longer there; the cracks are mending well. I guess I can get along without her around, no matter how much it pains me that she's not around. Silently I pray, that she's still safe. I hope to see her again soon.

2007-03-10T02:27:00.000+08:00

I haven't been free to update this blog of mine. There's so much to do, like call my girlfriend Lisa, work, watch the DVDs that I want to watch. But, as always, my life's in a mess.

Lisa has ideas, weird ones - it's putting a strain on our relationship. Ideas on how to get revenge on people who've hurt her in the past, giving her time to do these things. I can't believe how much I love her, that I can just give in to her all the time. Sigh. Women. Only God can fully understand these creatures. I've never loved a girl so much before. I guess I can only blame myself for my childish ways when I fooled around with the hearts of other girls. My retribution. It's my punishment.

No matter what, it's a trial. I won't let it bring me down. I'll continue to grow stronger than I was before. Losing all emotion only makes one weak, and I won't go down that path again. I'll become stronger than ever. It's a promise to my family, friends, to Lisa and myself. For her and my sakes, I cannot fail now.

Chrissy

2007-02-16T11:24:00.000+08:00

Her name might sound prissy and she just might be
A little girl too, I would add, this Chrissy;
Small in stature, big in heart and soul
Add a little chilli padi, and she's raring to go

Just turned 19, this little chick
Though yellow she's not, brown's kinda hot
And make no mistake, I ain't no racist prick
But everyone out there, regardless of colour, needs a little "loving"

No one's perfect though, neither is she
She's got her flaws, which makes her more
She'll make a man scream, and then dream
Of her and her hot little bod

Now I'm not being mean, it's just me
But I'd like to say that Chrissy, is really a dream
Nice girl, nice bod - what more can a man ask for?
Have a heart, call her now and ask her out.

(Chrissy, I know you're not going to like this, but it was kinda funny so I had to put it up. CHEERS =) )

NO MORE SCHOOL!

2007-02-16T11:11:00.000+08:00

I can't be fucked to say anything else other than "IT'S GREAT! NO MORE SCHOOL!"

Then again, I haven't blogged in ages. Come to think of it, this last semester was good. I got a new girlfriend. I got to make new friends. I got to piss off this certain lecturer I didn't like. By golly! It felt great. But nothing beats the feeling of finally graduating.

On a sadder note, my girlfriend Lisa's going back to China. I don't know for how long, but I know I'm probably going to miss her. And then Linette's going to Australia to further her studies. My jie doesn't want to go out with me becoz she doesn't like the fact that I cut my hair short. Sigh. Gosh! Freedom sure feels good! I'm gonna go cycle and fish to my heart's content. Hang out more with my bros, make more friends, work more to earn the money I need to upgrade my bicycle plus go shopping, finally meet up with Chrissy, etc., . And the bloody list goes on and on and on!

And I can't wait to start playing pranks again.

Retrospective

2007-02-04T02:05:00.000+08:00

Me, again. The old me. I'm still hanging on to my past. The way I used to be when I was 15 - 17. The best, and worst, years of my life. I thought I got over it long ago. But now, being with Lisa, it seems that I've entered my past yet again, when I was brazen, impulsive, impetuous, naive and basically, a spoilt brat. Sigh. I wonder why, every girl I've ever been with wants to marry me. It's like I've been jinxed to be some kind of "marriage model". If that's the way it should be, then I think that either I'm going to be married with more than 1 wife, or divorced plenty of times with a shitload of alimonies to pay off.

But now, at least with Lisa, I can say that I want to return the feeling, that I actually can marry her, and be happy. Sigh. I don't know if I can bring her the sort of happiness she wants, but I'll definitely do my best to make her wishes come true. And for her to be happy, is what I want most now. No matter what kind of shit we're both going through, I just believe that we can pull through. Like I'm living through my past years again, when I'd try to be there for my love whenever she needs me. I have issues to work out too. I need to learn to trust her more. Sigh... But she hasn't shown me that I can trust her so much yet.

I'm throughly disappointed that I myself think this way, but I can't help but feel at a loss all the time. Even though I've promised her that I'm going to let her settle her own problems herself, I myself have to bear the burden of her actions. Nevertheless, I love her. 宝贝我很爱你，希望你真的明白。不管你觉得钱比我还重要，我会一自跟着你，保护你。我死也不会停止爱你。

2006-12-29T04:24:00.000+08:00

Christmas has just passed. Sigh. It was the most boring and sad Christmases I've know.

I didn't really get the chance to enjoy because I'm worrying about how my common test results will come back. I'm hoping to at least pass 3 of the 4 papers I took. And then I had an argument during the term break with L, who says I'm not a good influence for younger kids.

But the worst thing of all that happened this holidays was that Luisa jie got into a car accident in Los Angeles. I called her and she, being under the effects of the medication they're giving her, told me something about her jaw getting dislocated or something to that effect. It's pretty sad, because I know how much she wanted to go over there and enjoy the festive period. I hope she recovers soon, so that she can at least visit Disneyland and re-live her childhood at age 25.

GET WELL SOON, JIE!

On another entirely unrelated note, I think I just got into a dysfunctional relationship. And L, don't you dare pawn my Christmas present to you :)

2006-12-24T03:11:00.000+08:00

The common tests are over! Hooray! But, I have the feeling that I'm going to fail every single subject. It's a feeling I really dread. The method I've long used to pass all my exams is finally failing. To pass with average marks isn't really that great, but hey, it's better than stressing myself out just to pass a damn course I don't even have any interest in. Most of my lecturers don't even think that I should be taking Electrical Engineering in the first place. Now that I'm in my 3rd year, I'm sort of regretting not going to SIM to study business like my Dad wanted me to. But some things I don't regret, like making the friends I've come to know in NP.

Life's really taking a strange turn for me now. It's like ever since I've started the final semester, I'm playing a lot more than I normally do during class. Maybe it's because I'm actually in a class where the girls outnumber the guys, or maybe it's because ever since I started working at the American Club, I've learned a lot more. Or rather, it might have something to do with the fact that after seeing how different the teaching standards at a university are (when I was attached to NUS to do a project) , I've grown to resent the way NP teaching style. And I just want to say here and now, "FUCK NGEE ANN POLY!" It's the worst place to get a diploma.

And my personal life, or the lack of it, is killing me. Going out with different girls all the time is really taking a toll on my wallet. I should lay low for a bit. I don't know why, but it seems that after school, especially when I'm not working, I tend to just head out with different girls to go out shopping or stuff. I must stress on the "it's bleeding my wallet dry" part. And I realized how good retail therapy is. Thanks Lulu Jie for pointing that out. Only went shopping with Lulu Jie once, but I realized that we're kind of alike, in the fact that we're at a loss when it comes to buying stuff. We don't define our budgets, what we want, amongst a lot of other factors when shopping. She really should have been born as my older sister. LoL.

But I want to thank Lulu Jie for treating me to Starbucks and for walking around aimlessly for 3 hours with me last week. I really appreciate it. And I just want to say that Vivocity sucks. The layout and the shops suck, (Except for Tangs, I think. But Starbucks always rules!). The fact that there's too many shops selling the same stuff really kills any interest in me of going back there. There's no diversity at all. I rather prefer Takashimaya or Wheelock place anyday, because at least they have Kinokuniya and Borders, respectively. LoL. Any shopping center/mall with a good bookstore will tempt me to go patronize it. And that's it for now. Have to go to work later.

Oh, and Linette, if you read this, I'M NOT A BASTARD. STOP CALLING ME ONE! Haha. I guess now we're even.

Another Day

2006-12-08T18:41:00.000+08:00

Today was the start of the battle. Location: Ngee Ann Poly, Block 5, 3rd floor, room 1. The opponent? Electrical Installation and Design. Suffice to say, it was pretty fucked up. I forgot that for a 3 phase load design, you have to find the maximum demand in each phase, and then size the circuit breaker according to the phase that has the largest current demand. That cost me dearly, because most of the questions were on 3 phase maximum demand calculation and breaker sizing. Damn it.

Went for a walk with Gu Yu after the paper. First time we went to Bishan. This (and the second) time, we ended up at Bishan again. We walked around aimlessly for almost 2 hours before going to the food court at Junction 8 for dinner. Had carrot cake, and damn, it was horrible. Worst carrot cake I ever tasted. She had chicken rice, and somehow I always see her eating stuff like that. I wonder why she doesn't get bored with the same shit everyday.

After dinner, we ended walking around again, ending up at the small park diagonally opposite the Scout's Association. I don't know how, but somehow we stayed there for about 2 hours just talking. Really found out more fascinating facts about her. Like how she's lived her life ever since she came to Singapore to study. Fascinating, but at the same time, very sad. I don't understand how things turned out so bad for her. Well, I do sympathise with her, since she happens to be quite naive and clueless about how life really works. I guess I should count myself lucky for having so many chances to live on, despite all the shit I've done from secondary 1 until my 19th birthday. It's sad that she's had so many chances, but there wasn't anyone around to pull her through to change her life.

But luck can only last so long. Mine's probably going to run out soon. Haven't done any serious shit lately, but it feels like the end is nearing for me. In the past month alone, everytime I'm on my bicycle, I almost end up in an accident. Most days end with more than 2 misses. Even when I'm walking across the road, I almost get hit. At the bus stop, the buses pull in so close that the mirrors are less than a centimeter from my face. *sigh* I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen to me soon.

Would anyone miss me?

Idiocy - inversely proportional

2006-12-03T02:21:00.000+08:00

Jackie is a cook at my workplace. Unfortunately for me, he also happens to be an idiot.

There was once a smart man who said that, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction". However, he forgot that there are idiots in this world, thus neglecting to mention that when an action is committed towards an idiot, the reaction is inversely proportional.

Today at work, I happened to pick up a small piece of tomato and threw it at Jackie. A smart person would have picked up something non-lethal like a shred of chicken or a crouton and threw it back. But we're talking about an idiot here, so guess what he threw at me. Made your guess yet? After throwing that little piece of tomato at him and scoring a head-shot, he comes out from behind the stove area, and throws a small, but incredibly sharp paring knife at me (or rather, my foot). Apparently he was aiming for the empty space between my feet, but somehow the knife stuck itself to the right of my left heel. I was shocked, I moved one step, and it fell out, bloodless. Took another step, and blood started dripping out. Damnit.

It helped that Jackie thought smart and got me plasters and disinfectant immediately, plus napkins to dry the blood up. Long story short, I thought that the plasters and disinfectant helped, when all of a sudden the guy I was training as a food-runner told me that my foot was red. The shock when I looked down and saw my foot covered in blood. They say you'd never feel pain until you realise that you're injured, but this was ridiculous - a wound only 5mm in length bleeding like a prize-fighter who got his teeth knocked out. It must have hit some small veins and nerves, because not only was I bleeding, I was hurting like hell and my left foot was immobile and couldn't bend. I didn't want to get Jackie into trouble, because after all, I started the problem by throwing stuff at him, so I excused myself and went to the toilet to wash my Croc sandals and clean up my blood-sticky foot.

God knows how, after changing 2 plasters until after cleaning up and going back to work, it starts bleeding again. This time noticed by the F&B manager, Wonder Hing, whom I call "Wondering" (Don't know why her parents called her that). She asked why I was limping, and I told her it was a sprain. Then while walking past her, she looked at my foot and said "But it's bleeding rather badly". God knows the shock I had. I quickly went to the storeroom and locked myself in and cleaned up the wound again. It still bled after that, but I couldn't give a flying fuck because it was getting busy and the bastard Exec. Chef E kept coming out to make comments about what we were doing, frequently rearranging the trays until orders got mixed up. Thank God he didn't notice my bleeding foot, or else heads would have rolled. My leg felt numb throughout, and I had to wash my Crocs 4 times to get rid of the sticky blood. And I also thank God that the bleeding stopped after I ended work, enough so that I could cycle home. I really thank God that I could at least make it home despite the pain and numbness in my leg. Hopefully the wound doesn't get infected. It's still numb.

And I want to say that, even though Jackie's an idiot, he's still a good friend, and that without idiots in my life, it'd be pretty damn boring, albeit painful and numb.

"Kings" of the road

2006-11-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's it with most Singapore drivers, especially taxi drivers. They always think that they are the kings of the road. Honking their horns at every slightest thing that annoys them while they're driving behaving like just because they pay for a COE and road tax, they can drive in any way they want while on the road. Over the past 5 years that I've been cycling, I've met many drivers who are retarded drivers, and have had confrontations with some of them. Most of these I've had confrontations with actually apologise the moment I point out that I'm more likely then them to die if hit. But there are the few special ones that don't give a shit and think that they have the right of way.

Taxi Drivers:
The bane of all road users. Most of them like to speed and not give way. I've nearly been hit by many of these pricks on many occasions. The moment you signal with your hand that you're going to switch lanes, they suddenly accelerate and try to overtake you as you're changing lanes, which is pretty fucked up because they just barely miss me. Then there are those that will never give way to you at a zebra crossing. The worst is when they see a customer in front and they suddenly cut into your lane and brake, thinking that a bicycle comes equipped with an emergency brake. and can stop within 3m without any problems. These guys always earn a middle finger from me.

Ah Bengs:
Note that not all Ah Bengs are bastard drivers. Some are actually very friendly to cyclists. But the ones to watch out for are those that have the tendency to commit road rage. Just on Saturday night, I was cycling in the middle of the outer most lane, and this Ah Beng had to honk his horn at me, for no damned reason. There's 3 lanes and there wasn't any other car on the road. He could have just switched lanes and there'd be no problems. But no, he had to piss me off by honking his horn. I did what I do best. I flipped him the bird. He stopped 50m in front of me. I cycled past his car. He cut me off. He wound down his window and ask me if I showed him the finger. Here's a transcript of what was said:

Beng: "Why did you point the middle finger?"
Me: "Since when did I flip you the bird?"
Beng: "Don't lie. I saw it just now."
Me: "You Pa-Jiao (blind) right? I didn't point my middle finger at you."
Beng: "Don't lie. I saw you in the rear-view mirror."
Me: "Dude, I was stretching (yeah, stretching the truth too). Is there a law against stretching while cycling?"
Beng: "(Refusing to admit that he's in any wrong) Fuck you. You want me to come out is it?"
Me: "No, but you're blind, and I don't take advantage of disabled people."
Beng: "(A little stunned that I said that) What a fucked up cyclist. Where's your helmet? Your lights? Bloody hell, taking up one lane like that. You know it's against the law?"
Me: "Who says I need a helmet, a light or that I can't cycle in the middle of the road? Is it your law or the government's law?"
Beng: "(Doesn't really know what to say) You better not let me catch you again."

Such an officious prick. He thought he could get away with the "law" on his side. Truth be told, what he said about those laws were true. Just that he doesn't know shit about the law, and just ramdomly came up with some "law" to snook me. Luckily I was quick with my reply, so he couldn't come up with a smart reply. Proves that Bengs are just all ignorant idiots.

And then there are those random drivers who think they can get the better of a cyclist by asking one very, very stupid and cliched question - "You know how to ride bicycle not?", in typical Singaporean fashion. My usual reply would be "If I didn't, I wouldn't even be riding a bicycle now". That usually shuts them up, unless it's the occasional Malaysian driver who's over here to visit relatives. They don't believe that other road users exist. If you get into an argument with them, they will make all sorts of threats, like "I'm going to beat you up", "You think that just because you're Singaporean I'm scared?", etc., . Then they move to the trunks of their cars to take out a "weapon". They think that just because I'm a cyclist I'm not carrying anything with me. Thing is, I carry all sorts of tools in my bag when I'm out cycling, and some are very sharp. Luckily for those that I've encountered, they have their families with them, little kids and all. I'm not such a bastard to beat a father up when his kids are around.

Damned irresponsible drivers.

Life as I know it

2006-11-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

In a couple of month's time, I'll be 21. Oh yeah. The big 21. Whoo! Yay. Can't say I'll be looking forward to the festivities though, because my 19th and 20th birthdays fell during the exam period. Next year's not going to be any different. My birthday will fall during my final exams. And as they say, "third time's the charm". I have a bad feeling that something bad's going to happen.

My life is kinda screwed right now. Even though I've got a well-paid at my current part-time job, some of my lecturers like me and I've got great friends, life isn't all what I planned it to be. Even though I've mellowed alot since my secondary school days, I find my hot-tempered alter-ego hasn't really gone away. It's hiding away deep inside of me, always waiting for the opportune moment to show itself. Like how, because one of my classmates asked me a stupid question about the difference between storage water heaters and its instantaneous counterpart during a presentation, I lost my patience and questioned her ability to understand the English language. That really shut her up, and made the my lecturer, Ms Lau Chay Hia (or Lau Chay Bai as I prefer to call her) to target me and ask me a ridiculous amount of questions. All because that girl was one of her favourite students.

Sigh. It's like I've been slowly regaining my old self again. Short-tempered and volatile, I could lose control at any unfortunate time. I've been trying to control myself, but it really doesn't seem to work. Especially when it's during Lau Chay Bai's lessons. I feel the need to lambast her for being a biased bitch who always favours the "better" or more "docile" students in class. She's perpetually stereotyping people, like just because I'm the only guy in class who pierces his ears and dyes his hair I'm a rebellious person. My classmates always have to tell me to calm down and relax and not to shout at her. The Queen Bitch herself has given some of my friends whom she taught in the previous semester D grades because she simply just didn't like them, all because they too had dyed hair and earrings. And to all other groups she just gives 15 minutes of presentation time. To her darling students, she gives up to 30 minutes of presentation time, which is really unfair.

Some of my friends have attributed my anger due to the fact that I'm single. I don't see the need to get a girlfriend. What for? The girls I like treat me like a best friend, or at worst, like me but refuse to tell me because they're overseas and are scared of a long-distance relationship. Damn. Why does this always happen to me? It's like my life is repeating itself over and over again, and I can't stop the cycle. A reason might be linked to a past relationship. Maybe I can't find closure over how it all ended. I still think of her. I can't seem to forget. But she wants to go her way now. I can't stop it. She's probably going to get married soon. Sigh. Wouldn't you say that these kind of scenerios are kind of screwed up? And I like another girl too. She's going away soon, to Australia to study. I know I'm going to miss her alot. Every girl I like is going away, one by one, and here I'm left alone. Are my criteria for girls too high? I can't seem to find an answer to that. Always left alone. To rot at time's end.

2006-10-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

I can't believe my life. I guess I'm too stubborn at time. When it doesn't suit my purposes, I carry on whatever it is, and eventually I shoot myself in the dick. I'm purely genius when it comes to really pissing people off.

1) Pissed off the only girl I ever loved.

2) Pissed off a good girl friend of mine.

3) Pissed off a senior full-timer when all I wanted to do was to see how far I could carry on with the bullshit I was talking.

3 time this week already. God, I wonder why I'm such a genius at fucking up. If only I was a genius at my studies I wouldn't be bothering about such shit now.

2006-08-31T05:27:00.000+08:00

Wow... It's been a long time since I've written an entry. Life has been really good. Let me list out some stuff that I've been doing since the start of my Final Year Project (FYP)

1) Skip school (Ngee Ann Poly and NUS)
2) Insulted my lecturer loudly when I thought he wasn't in class
3) Went fishing and cycling (That's why I skipped school and work)
4) Skipped work for alot because I didn't feel like working
5) Wasted too much money buying unneccessary stuff

Funny how I manage to slack so much during school days, and during the holidays I work my ass off to earn money.

Hmmm... I have a feeling that I might have to repeat a semester. Hahaha... Well, I regret nothing.

The biggest thing I regret is losing Linette as a friend.

2006-08-01T00:33:00.000+08:00

I swear the Singapore Government is going too far with their anti-smoking campaign. Right now, sitting on my desk is a pack of Dunhill reds, with a picture of a bloody and deformed foetus with a huge head coloured in a hue or red that makes it look like those little red octopuses that the Japanese love to eat. It's definitely gross. Sometimes, when scare tactics go too far, the people have to speak out. The previous ones were ok and made people think about quitting, but the new ones really makes smokers lose their appetite, but not the urge to smoke. I can safely say that non-smokers would also be turned off by the sight of such a gruesome picture, as it's also rather insensitive to women who have had miscarriages before. If the government really wants to get people to quit, I'm sure there are alternative methods, instead of plastering such disgusting pictures on the cover of the pack.

And I'm sure it's clear to everyone that the government is earning millions from cigarette taxes a year. It's only to pacify the anti-smoking lobby that they actually paste such distasteful pictures on the boxes. In a way, they appear to want to stop people from smoking. But with each increase in cigarette prices, they earn more from the tax. In every aspect they win, and each time they win more. So we smokers suffer while the government lines its deep pockets with the money of smokers. And in a way, we can say that we're fueling the economy with our habit. So fuck those assholes who complain about smokers not doing anything but harming society.

2006-07-31T00:50:00.000+08:00

I'm still feeling quite lost. I hadn't thought of Linette for quite some time already, until Wanjing brought up her name while we were talking. I've been thinking about it since. I can hardly get her out of my head. There's been no finale to this act, and I'm feeling very disturbed by it. It feels as if my being is in turmoil, like a malestrom swirling to to the bottom of the ocean, like one continuous spiral, going on and on, never ceasing until the ends of time. (Damn, I'm already feeling the kick after 2 shots of vodka.)

Don't know why I'm drinking. It's ironic to think that I've always said that drowning one's sorrows in alcohol isn't going to help. True enough, I don't think drinking myself silly is going to help me in any way at all. First real drink in like 4 months. I really hope Linette contacts me again. I don't know how I can live with this dilemma on my mind. I don't know what to do about it. I want her to call me. I feel like hearing her voice again, her cynical views of life. But mainly, I just want to hear her voice again.

I can no longer make excuses for what I'm feeling. I can't go on denying that I don't give a shit about what happens to me. I'm going to be 21 soon, and I don't want to live with this immature title of Legendary Slacker anymore. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I want to be more responsible for my life and my actions than I am now.

Gone

2006-07-18T00:20:00.000+08:00

Life as usual has fucked me over, literally kicking me in the nuts. Again.

She was always so quiet, never saying anything. Not how she felt, nor what she wanted. Now she's gone with another guy. Someway or the other, it might be my fault for knowing what she wanted, yet not doing anything about it. If only she would open her mouth and actually say something meaningful instead of "It's nothing".

Sigh. But life still must go on. The curtains haven't closed yet and the audience is still 7 billion strong. I'm still 20 and have a long way to go. Guess now I can say "goodbye" to this chapter of my life.

2006-07-16T02:48:00.000+08:00

In retrospect, my life isn't really going smoothly. Granted, it is generally going in the direction that I want it to. But then there's so many twists and turns in the route that I feel that just jumping off the mountain path I've taken and just following the stream beside. Like the Chinese always say (I'm not forgetting that I'm Chinese), "Yin Shui Si Yuan". Think of the water and remember where it comes from. It's sounds so much more optimistic than the ones the Caucasians often use when lost: "Follow the river and it will lead you back". Or something along that order. Well, if it leads you to a lake what the hell are you supposed to do? And if it leads you to an ocean or sea are you going to play "eeny meeny miny mo" to make a decision to take a left or right turn?

Well... According to the Chinese I should be thankful of where my humble beginnings lie, which is in the middle income range. However, it doesn't tell me where I should go. Dang. Back to square 1. Is this it? I must think of a better adage or saying. Maybe I should try "It's fate". Fuck that. I prefer "destiny". It sounds so much better. But I think destiny would work better for me if I could just get off my slacker ass and do something about what I want for my life. Damn it's getting quite miserable just ranting about useless shit here. Maybe I should just click my shoes together 3 times and wish "there's no place like home". Which will of course, bring me back home, right where I've been starting all along. Damn Dorothy and her black dog Toto. Ugliest beaver I've ever seen anyway. I'm not talking crap. If you've seen the 1970's or 80's production of "The Wizard of Oz" and know what a beaver is, you would know what I mean. Damn. I'm too tired to think straight. Time to sleep.

2006-07-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

I gave you a nice watch so you could tell the time and look good at the same time
I gave you earrings to look pretty
I gave you a bear with those words to make you happy

I knew why you borrowed my library card
I knew why you wanted to meet me
I knew why you needed those little things no matter how small

But you have to know that you've told me you've moved on
And now that you have someone else to hold in your heart
Why still think of me?

Isn't it unfair to him?
Though we all know that life isn't fair
We have to stick to the rules no matter how much they bend

So until I have a good answer
I'm still here
The same old me

Still single, slacking and relaxing
Fishing and cycling are my passion
That I call my Special K*

2006-07-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

It's been about a month and a half since she and I last talked. I still remember what she said as she got out of the cab. "I promise that I'll pay you back." Don't get me wrong, I don't expect her to pay me back. I just want to have her back as a friend.

And now, it all seems like a dream, that I didn't have her as a friend, that it was all just a worthless fantasy. Maybe it's the way it ended so abruptly, without a good finale, like a bad movie. All there was was silence. I guess my weekly supply of luck just ran out that day I asked her out for a drink at Starbucks. I guess a lot of thing, but I don't know what she's really thinking. I'm always left hanging everytime something like this happens. The plot twists, and the protagonist is left with a choice. I had 2 choices, to move on or to keep thinking about it. I just went with the latter.

I can remember everytime I lit up a cigarette she would tell me that I would die soon, or that each cigarette would lessen my life span. I miss those moments of sarcasm, cynism and realism all rolled into one. They were so entertaining. It's ironic for me to note that everytime I think about it I feel like smoking. Not that I don't smoke any less now. It seems that I smoke more and more everytime I think about it. Gee, maybe she's right, I will die young. I hope I do too, because I can't stand this kind of shit happening to me all the time.

I kind of feel that my time is coming soon. My fractured top left rib is really bothering me now. Recently, it's been hurting whenever I try to go for a run. Maybe it's for the better that I die young. I'd probably become the poster boy for the anti-smoking lobby. I can see the slogan "Slacking and smoking don't mix. The more you slack, the more you smoke." It's darkly humourous, this kind of posthumous acknowlegement by the authorities as being a slacker who achieves fame through death. But then again, the government uses everyone.

And then there's this girl who's going to Canada. I don't know about her. She seems so distant now. I can't catch sight of her already. My life is just going to pieces day by day, hour by hour. Like how I always attract girls who are in their late 20's or "tai-tais" in their 40's. Even though I welcome a sugar mommy, the idea somehow scares me that I'll become a toy. Ha. This coming from me, the Legendary Slacker who aims to be rich and retire by the age of 46. The irony of my very existance is overwhelming me. I guess I better go sleep or risk becoming more cynical.

2006-06-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know, but I'm addicted to fishing now. So far over the past 3 weeks I've caught 8 fishes, ranging 10 to 15 inches long. Going with my neighbours to Pierce reservoir to fish, I've caught all my fishes there with hand lines all the time. And of the 3 trips there, only once was a fish caught by my neighbour who was using a rod. Amazing. But I guess that at the area that we fish, the fishes there are more prone to hand lines.

According to a website I visited, predator fishes tend to feed nearer to the surface when there's abundant light so as to be able to see their prey better. Also, they tend to be more active when the surrounding air pressure is low. As we fish at night from a pier with strong lighting, the fishes will tend to come near to the pier, therefore increasing my chances of catching fishes with a hand line. Also, during the 3 days before the full moon, during the full moon and 3 days after that, the predator fishes are more active because there is abundant light all around for them to see their prey.

I plan to go to Macritchie Reservoir next week to catch Snakeheads or what the old timers call Torman. Hopefully, I will have a good harvest on that day. Heh.

2006-06-14T01:58:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say, because some girl I know probably has a guy in her life, but still 'pines' for me. I don't know what to make of it but hey, it's weird if a girl's still thinking of you when she already has someone else in her life and just blogs about it. If she doesn't want to tell me what it's all about then I don't really think I should give a flying fuck. I'm not a certain "individual". My name is Ben Ho and I'm not ashamed of people putting my name in their blogs. If you got the balls to say something, I believe that you have the guts to admit to it.

2006-06-12T14:32:00.000+08:00

Regarding my previous post, I think I kind of sound like my twin brother, which is to say, my post sounded too whiny and by a guy who's "ball-less". It's just that life is realy getting mundane for me. I have nothing to do except to go to school, then skip school, walk around shopping for stuff, and then go to work. And then on days when I've no work, I tend to skip school so I have a whle day to myself. Haha. Or rather, I tend to skip school alot too. On the pretext of going to NUS for a certain part of my project, I will just stay at home and slack or go out. There's no way anyone would know because no one bothers to call NUS. *Evil Laugh*.

I hate to admit it, but I have not slacked for ages. Granted, I slack a lot during work, but I feel that it's like I'm losing my touch. I haven't really slacked in quite some time. Haven't sat down for hours on end at any void deck with my friends, each doing our own thing, which is essentially equal to doing nothing at all, and occasionally saying something interesting. There's even been times where I just sit alone at my void deck and just watch people walking by. I can't believe how much I've changed. I need to commit more to my slacking.

Now, I just want to say this to her if she's reading my post. She knows who she is. I just want to say "I still want to be friends with you. Don't let that incident at Starbucks screw up a friendship."

2006-06-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I last blogged about anything that's been going on. Lots of things have happened, and I'm glad they're over.

My life has taken a strange turn. I've been thinking things through. Why should I bother looking for a girlfriend, as all my friends want me to. It's really weird, having so many people wanting me to find a more meaningful thing to do with my life other than schooling and work. Yes, I've lost interest in finding a significant other, as I can't be bothered. Things that have happened to me really changed my views on what I want in life. Some girls like a guy, yet they're focused on another. Then there are girls who screw things up for you. I don't want to feel that way again. To me, it's too troublesome for me to pursue such things.

You might say've I've become "emo", but I'm not. I'm just the way I should be. The way I ought to be. The way I used to be, and to stay this way until the time is right.

2006-05-29T23:52:00.000+08:00

Onboard bus number 132 back home from the American Club, I was sitting on the 2nd deck near the back when I noticed something. Someone had vandalised the back of the seat in front of mine. Written neatly in black marker was a "B is for Ben :)". I thought that was pretty cute. Brought me back to the days when I did the same stuff with my trusty black Zebra marker or white off, albeit my scribbles were more inclined towards stuff like "F**K" or " (name here) sucks)". Then it hit me. The words and the way the emoticons were written and drawn were so much like her writing style. But then I guess most girls write with the same style. It was so nostalgic, seeing something so familiar, yet probably done by someone else.

2006-05-27T02:14:00.000+08:00

Here on my blog, I just want to say I bear no grudges. I know she reads my blog, and I just want her to know that I'm already over that episode at Starbucks. But, I know that she's probably pissed about what I wrote on my blog about that little episode. Definitely so. Well, people have their own ways of airing their views and thoughts. This is just my way of doing so.

I want to know where you belong
I want to know why I sing this song
I try to show how much I feel
Is that a dream or is it real?
I never looked where you belong
Until I got to sing my song
Is it a lie or is it true?

It's through my own folly that such things have come to pass, letting friendships go by, past my eyes. When I turn around, they're not there anymore. I wish somehow, I could have made more solid relationships with people, like I have with my brothers. Even though we have our squabbles sometimes, we always fix those problems and end up with stronger bonds. But I wish I could have known friends that I've lost on a deeper level. At least then, I wouldn't have lost them. Even if I lost them, at least I would have gained much better memories of them.

Just the way we are
I guess you've seen it now
A mirror of ourselves sure makes us weird
Falling down
From a mountain of frights
What's there to hold on to?

I wish I'd done better to hold on to my friends, to 'fight' for a chance to hold on to these friendships I've lost. I wish I didn't start so late in repentance of my ways, starting to look to them for another chance when I should have done so when the time was ripe. I guess it's too late to start finding a foothold to start anew. Too late for me to do anything anymore. I've climbed up a hill, but fallen off a mountain. Aquaintances are easy to make and easy to lose. Friends are hard to make, hard to lose, and who will tell you straight what they're thinking instead of sucking up to you. I regret a lot of things, but now I must move on. I cannot dwell too long on such things. Life doesn't wait until you've figured things out. Life is a constant gain of experiences and to experience all that you were made for, you have to move on, continue forward and never look back.

2006-05-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

In my dreams I am not so far away from home. Why am I in a world so far away from home? All my life, all the time, I'm so far away from home. Without you I'm so far away from home.

I wish that were true, that I had someone to lean on, to look forward to meeting. It's sad though, that I don't. Somehow, all the girls I've liked rarely reciprocate the feelings. However, sadly, all the girls I don't really like because they're immature and naive brats seem to think of me as a role model for the wrong reasons. My prowess at slacking is one of the reasons. Though being a slacker is a good thing, it's hardly anything to be admired for. A slacker waits only for an opportune moment to complete his/her tasks, never a moment too soon or late. A slacker works at his own pace, minus about 100% to his actual speed.

Back to the point. I've kind of tired of it. One girl wants to move on in life, doesn't really respond to me and is quite insecure. The other one is out of my mind for now, what she did that time was really wrong. Even though you don't like the person back, it's rude to actually go out and pick up guys when you're already halfway through a slacking session with someone. Guess I try too hard to pick up the wrong girls, when the right ones are just always there for me. And I'm not talking about those immature and naive brats, I'm talking about other girls I've overlooked because they do not have nice breasts. I'm just kidding. I overlook them because their thought processes are quite slow as I don't really like girls who can't hold their own in an intelligent conversation. Guess that's me, looking for the wrong things in girls who probably don't like me.

But if I can find a girl who I like and likes me as well, I would cherish her. Nice breasts are a bonus. More bonus points if she has C cup boobs or beyond, but just below DD. Nice eyes too. Nice eyes rank higher than boobs. Yeah. I like girls with nice eyes. Nice big eyes. Like the size of the Singapore $1 coin. And small hands too. An old man once said: "Marry a girl with small hands, because they will make your penis look bigger than it already is." Damn, must be the Smirnoff getting to my head. Well, I'd better go sleep before I can't wake up in the morning for school.

2006-05-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

I just bought some new stuff today! A pair of Merrell shoes costing $149, and 2 shirts for $61. I felt so happy after that. Now I think I can understand why girls are so happy after they shop - the act of spending money on oneself. But what I did is really different from what girls do. At least I bought something with purpose. I needed those stuff. I see girls buying stuff they sometimes don't need. Which is a problem in itself, even though they're helping our little economy grow. They buy stuff that they don't need. But I'm happy nonetheless. At least I've got something that's worth it.

And now that I've spent money, I can say that I'm more or less over what happened last week. I'm a little more happy and now I can move on with my life. Yeah.

2006-05-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

Once again, I'm sitting in my room, just doing nothing but chatting with friends online. I wonder what happened to my life. I know now that studying full-time and working part-time really kills your social life. I just want to sit down and chat with my friends or someone (exclusive to girls only), and just share my life's current events and joke about stuff like politics. Now my time is split between school and work. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I used wish I could turn back time, and change it all. I guess that's what everyone wants, but I guess I kind of realised that if you could turn back time, you'd never mature, because you keep going back and correcting your mistakes so much so that you forget that what you're doing is only running from your fears of failure, rejection, etc,.

For me now, it's really sad. I didn't realise what this girl, who's always telling me that I'm a really nice guy, so called "you're the best", was really like. I felt like a fool that night when I gave her and her friend a treat at Starbucks Wheelock Place. Barely 10 minutes after sitting down with our orders, she's going on about some guy she saw and wants her friend to know. So she goes ahead and then before I can comprehend what's going on, she's inside with that guy's friend, and I'm sitting outside with her friend and that guy whom she wants her friend to know. I felt really like a fool there and then. It really sucks to have such shit happen to you. And it was really rude on her part, because we were there to chat and stuff and off you go doing that kind of stuff. And what was I to tell her? Not to do it? She didn't know my feelings before that, and now, I don't think I can even carry on a simple friendship with her. I guess I didn't have the heart to tell her not to do it, so therefore part of the blame is on me. And then after that I even sent her home in a cab. I was trying hard in my heart to say no to her, but how could I, as the 'nice guy', just walk off and tell her to find her own way home? I so wanted to walk off after she pulled that stunt, but I didn't want to be rude. I guess a crucial chapter in life's lessons was taught to me then and there.

I hate myself for being indecisive and too nice. I need to be more assertive. I need to stand up for myself (no pun intended) and tell those people off. Or else, it might be that I need to rely on the mantra I aligned my uber slacker life with back in the old days, which was "just fuck it", but not in the sexual sense of it, but more like to the sense of "don't bother with it". I guess I need to find more purpose in my life and stop going down the same paths all the time. I guess this is what growing up is all about.

2006-05-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Lene Marlin - Another Day

Lie to me, say that you need me
That's what I wanna hear
That is what, what makes me happy
Hoping you'll be near

All this time, how could I know
Within these walls, I can feel you

"Another day goes by, will never know just wonder why
You made me feel good, made me smile
I see it now, and I, can say it's gone
That would be a lie
Cannot control this, this thing called love"

You must think, how can this be
You don't really know me
I can't tell, this ain't the time
You'll never be mine

What can I say, something 'bout my life
I just lost again

"Another day"

I don't know why, but this song just got stuck in my head. And just like an invisible MP3 player in my head it plays this song non-stop. I guess it's because this song really reflects the path my life is going through. I've never felt so wanted, yet I've never felt this lost as well. I don't know, and I guess my life isn't really what I wanted it to be. Now I know that she never was and never will be. I guess seeing her for who she really was that night in Orchard Road really opened my eyes to what life is all about. It never is what what you'd expect it to be. Nothing is. I never will fall for a girl so easily again.

2006-05-11T01:13:00.000+08:00

What a disaster. It will never happen again. Next time I'll just walk off.

2006-04-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

I just finished reading this manga called Ichigo 100%. It's such a touching and unique manga, and I feel inspired to write a story because of it. In it, the lead male character doesn't fall for the lead female character. Through out the story, the guy, Manaka, falls for about 5 different girls. And one might assume that he would end up with the girl Aya, who appears the most in the story. But the author adds so many twists into the story that he ends up with one of the supporting female cast. Towards the end of the story, the girls end up disappointed and Manaka does little to comfort most, until the very last end of it. Anyway, the story is really touching and I recommend it to anyone who likes and enjoys manga.

Fishing

2006-04-20T02:08:00.000+08:00

I went fishing with my neighbours yesterday. It was a damn fun experience. Or rather, I think what was being said was more hilarious.

We met at the carpark between our blocks. There was a total of 3 people. John aka Mr Muhammed, Ian the Indian-Chinese and Ben Ho the Munjen (me). We started out to Mustafa's in Little India to get bait, hooks and insect repellant. We spent a total of $25.60 on stuff. I tell you, paying for stuff in Mustafa's is a damn pain. John and Ian were wating in the car, so I was left to pay. I'm the 3rd person in line, waiting to pay. At the counter's a couple paying for some groceries and a carton of mineral water. The Indian cashier took 10 bloody minutes to scan it in. When collecting the payment from the guy, she slowly took it, opened a drawer and took out money and started counting. I was like "OMG! The system they use looks like something out of the 1990s". I was going to start laughing and say something about the technology in India when I realised I was surrounded by India Indians and I was a Singaporean Munjen. So I wisely shut up. So next up was an Indian guy buying a suitcase. The damn cashier checked every compartment 3 friggin' times! Total I wasted like 20 mins paying for a can of insect repellant, as the other stuff was paid for already. But then again, it's only slightly longer than what you can expect at NTCU Fairprice. The bloody Chinese aunties take their damn sweet time to scan, collect payment and give change.

So on we go to a quiet and little-known spot in Punggol to fish. It's got a long drop-off to the water and is barred off by railings. It's also a good makeout spot. Spraying on a copious amount of anti-bug, we venture out of the car. Here's where most of the fun starts. Both rods we brought were up in 10 mins. Within 45 mins of the first cast, Ian caught a stingray. Sadly, it was only a small one. So we just threw it back. Then he moved further down the length of the railings, to cast his line. What I found really funny was that as he moved like 10 m down, all I could see was nothing where he was even though opposite was a well lit Island. I don't know if it was Pulau Bukom or Jurong Island. There was nothing. All I could see was a black hole where the railings should have been. Haha.

Now for the fishing part. Most fishermen call the long stick like object they use to fish a 'fishing rod' or 'rod' for short. And then there's phrases associated with it like "Can you help me hold my rod", "Help me reel in my line" and "My rod is 9 feet long", amongst many others. Then there's also phrases like "You need to play with the fish a little", "Some fish just swallowed my bait" and "Check the tension on my rod". Seriously, fishing is a sport with much lingo that sounds like sexual innuendo.

I have to start fishing again. It's damn fun.

2006-04-17T23:22:00.000+08:00

I've been having a great time. On weekdays, I wake up at around 6.30am to prepare for school. But somehow, I always end up late for school. Haha. The irony of it. Then I'm in school for 7 hours until 4pm. But I always leave around 3.15pm to go work. I start work around 5.30pm. Thus, I always walk around Far East Plaza looking at girls and stuff before I leave for the club at 5pm. Then I'll work until 9pm and then reach home around 10.15pm. Then on Weekends I'll start work at 11am all the way until 10pm. I don't have much of a social life, but I make do of that in school. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I treat school as a daily outing.

During classes in school, I'm either surfing the internet for my hobbies, which are mainly cycling, slacking and motorcycles, or I'm sleeping or reading comics/novels. I also sign the day's attendance when I reach school, so basically I can leave any time I want.

And that's about that. Nothing interesting has happened at work recently, except that one of the teenaged members who's also a Kid's Club counselor keeps looking at me whenever I'm around. She's pretty and smart or so I've heard, and she's also around my age.

2006-04-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

OH NO! STARBUCKS STOPPED SERVING RHUMBA FRAPPE! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

2006-04-14T01:15:00.000+08:00

Name 20 ppl you can think of right now at the top of yr head.Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 ppl. ok tag at least 5 ppl..Ready?Start!
1. Luisa
2. Serene
3. Kooichi Chee
4. Lionel Koh
5. Lionel Lee
6. Isaac Yeo
7. Raphael Zhong
8. Kenji Chee
9. Jap Girl? Dunno her real name
10. Boon
11. Linette
12. Kaizhen
13. Shirlyn
14. Pearl
15. Kym Ng
16. Chee Chow
17. Eugenia
18. Tim Han
19. Joey
20. Clara
1. How did u meet 14?
We're neighbours

2. What would you do if u've never met 1?
I don't know. She feels kind of like an older sister to me.

3. What would u do if 20 and 9 dated?
I don't really know. They're both girls. Haha. Lesbianism?

4. Did u ever like 19?
Nah... She's not my type.

5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
Nope. I wouldn't think so.

6. Describe 3.
He's tall, more than averagely immature, though he can be mature if he wants to be. Nice guy, witty, can talk crap the whole night with him. A good, steady brother.

7.Do u tink 8 is attractive?
I wouldn't know. I'm not a girl.

8.Tell me about 7.
A jack of all trades, master at none. Gung-ho, doesn't think before he does most stuff, drinks way too much alcohol, but friendly and a good, steady brother.
9.Do you know any of 12's family? Nope!

10.What's 8's favourite?
Playing the guitar? I don't know. Just seems that way.

11.what would u do if 18 just confessed he/she likes you?
I'm not gay.

12.what language does 15 speak?English, Chinese and Malay?13.I don't know about that.

14.how old is 16 now?
21

15.When's the last time u talked to 13?
Quite a long time ago.

16.what is 2's favourite band/singer?
I'm not sure.

17.would u ever date 4?
I'm not gay.

18. Would u ever date 7?
Not gay!

19.Is 15 single?Most definitely. What with her caustic personality keeping all her suitors away.

20.What is 10's last name?Poon Hengboon. I guess it's Boon.

21.Would u ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
Yeah I would... Too bad though... Well, I guess everything has to end somewhere.

22.What school does 3 go to?
Laselle SIA

23.Where does 6 live?
Bishan

24.What's yr fav thing about 5?

He's quite open-minded, hardworking and a good role model (except for the perfectionist streak in him). Overall, a good brother and stuff.

25.Have u seen number 1 naked?
Though she's always talking about her great figure, I've never personally seen it in it's uncovered entirety.

Now to tag people. Hmmm...
1) Kenji
2)Kooichi
3)Japgirl
4)Kym
5)Eugenia

2006-04-12T23:18:00.000+08:00

I've started school 3 weeks earlier than most people in Ngee Ann Poly. And it's all because I wasn't shortlisted for the Industrial Attachment Program (IAP). Screw those administrative asses who denied me a chance to work in the industry. Anyway, I've not been going for classes. What's new huh? Well, for one thing, it's one single module from 9am - 4pm every single weekday, therefore I don't care if I miss a few hours a day. Secondly, I don't give a shit, because the lecturer in charge of the project I want to do isn't there like 95% of the time. So what's there to learn?

And I'm working part-time at The American Club too. Funky place to work. Almost all the staff there are smokers. And there's this one Chinese cook. She's got a very pretty face. I want to get to know her but she's like almost 28 and doesn't work in the Poolside Kitchen, therefore lowering the chances of me getting to know her. But then, I think she was interested in me before. We made eye contact so many times and she blushed sometimes, but I guess after she found out I was only 20 years old, she lost interest. Haha. Guess I look older than I am.

2006-04-06T22:54:00.000+08:00

The start of today wasn't that good. This morning, as I sat down right at the back on board bus 52 on the right side, headed for school, I heard something irritating. There was an irritating soung resonating around the back of the bus. Someone was playing Chinese techno. And not normal Chinese techno. Chinese love songs and slow songs remixed into techno, with "cute (the Ah Lian definition)" sounds here and there, plus the fast paced beat and bastardization of the song with weird words like "Hoo!", "Hah!", "La la la", etc., by God knows who. There were 4 suspects. 3 people on my left and one person 2 seats in front of me. Within 2 minutes of boarding the bus I narrowed it down to a fat Chinese girl seated one row from the back. She was blasting her MP3 player on the loudest volume setting It was unlucky because immediately after the bus left the stop before Thomson Plaza, I saw a jam ahead. And the moment I saw it I wished, "Please let her get off soon!". Unfortunately, she didn't get off. So I tried reading my book, all the while wishing that by Lornie Road, the jam would ease off.

But, by Lornie Road, not only had everyone vacated the seats around her, but the jam was worse there. Someone then went to ask her to turn down the volume. To everyone's surprised, not only did she ignore that reasonable request, but she TURNED UP THE VOLUME! Oh my God... I thought that she was already on the loudest setting. But the bloody bitch was saving the worst for last. I had to resort to using tissue paper to create makeshift earplugs, and jammed my ears with them, which helped ease the headache listening Chinese techno causes a little. Traffic on the PIE was also slow moving. All in all, I took about slightly more than an hour to reach school, with a bloody headache. Damn earplugs didn't work that well in blocking out the noise. I hope that doesn't happen again when I'm on my way to school tomorrow. Worse still, on my way home from work, some damn Bengs sat next to me on board the 132 from Orchard Road, and started to play techno. It was irritating. When reaching near my stop, I considered taking on the whole group and then run off the bus. But seeing how crowded it was, I didn't. I don't want to injure innocent people. And I hate them damn Bengs, Lians and Mats who like to play loud music on public transports. It's really irritating. Fuck them. Bastards.

2006-03-27T04:36:00.000+08:00

Love is a wonderful thing. It's a pity that in modern times, love has become so corrupt and exploited, amongst other things. Now love has so many different meanings. It so sad that such things can happen. Love, once so beautiful, has been defiled.

Take the Nanyang Poly student's example. She lets stupidity take the place of love, and ends up having her naked, undeveloped body posted on the net, shown having sex, giving a blow job and a hand job. Basically, she isn't that hot, and I don't know why so many guys think she is. Her boyfriend looks just like a typical Ah Beng. Look at him, so gaunt, skinny and with a small dick. What the hell. If you want to flim something like this, at least have the decency to have the bodies of porn stars. But back to the point. It's not love that made them film this crap. It's pure idiocy, stupidity and more stupidity. Come on. Even if the odds that you'll lose a cell phone in any imaginable way are low, you don't have to play with fate. And even more so if people hate you, why the hell do you bother keeping it in your phone? Oh, by the way. Her name's Tammy and she's a quasi-celebrity in Malaysia now. I heard that there are Tammy T-shirts and mugs among other paraphernalia that are created with her name and image all over them.

Then there's Singapore's very own famous Sarong Party Girl who sleeps around with men. On Tab TV she talked about it, saying it was love she felt when she was with men. Basically, it's not love. Mostly it's lust, but I can guess she likes getting her pussy slammed with Caucasian dick, the "other white meat". It's so much more like a want for something, not a need. Come on, who're you trying to kid? You sleep with so many different men and claimed to love them? I thought love was special, but to her I guess love means getting pounded with a different hammer every night, or other night, or whatever her schedule is.

Then there's Valentine's Day. It used to be a religious holiday for Christians (so I am taught), but corrupted by commercialism. On the special day of the f**king 14th of Febuary, the restaurants are earning the cash. Before that, the retailers of "special" Valentine's day presents make a shit load of money by selling highly priced stuff to people. Basically, if most people don't realise, you don't have to be romantic and spend money on Valentine's day. You can spend it almost everyday. Everyday can be Valentine's Day if you know how to do things right. And it's not the money, it's the feelings and the emotion. The special bond you share (I'm not talking about sexual intercourse here) doesn't need to include money. You can be romantic in other ways, like offering a personal massage or something in your bedroom. At no large cost, other than bus or cab fare, and probably a box of condoms. Argh... the irony.

True love doesn't need to involve money, though with modern times things have changed. Unless you walk to your beloved's house, cycle there, there is no cost involved, unless you count miscellaneous stuff like electricity and water costs. But there are alternatives to that. You can do things in the dark, and if you're adventurous (or cheap, or daring, or neutered, or all of them) enough you don't need protection. You can even do things outdoors. Love doesn't have to involve money. But with the values kids are learning these days, it's really sad. F**k the media's exploitation of love with shows depicting love coupled with sex and other things that degrade love, such as money and looks. F**K them. Though not literally.

(Some of the points were brought up by Isaac. I wouldn't be thinking about such stuff if he didn't bring that up. And I would have been asleep now if I didn't hear what he said and I didn't have the interest to bitch about something. Damn.)

2006-03-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

Life is so full of everything. There's love, joy, exitement, etc., ...

And then there's shit.

And it doesn't come in a little gift wrapped box with your name all nicely written on a tag attached to the wrapping paper. It just comes, at 150 km/h, right smack in your face. And you'll wonder why there's a bloody fracture in your nose. I'm sure you won't get a concussion, considering shit isn't real solid like cement or metals. That is, unless you shit bricks of steel. And someone or yourself takes it and lobs it someone's way and cream the guy right in the face with it. Then that's going to hurt really badly.

Then there's love. Yes, love. A misunderstood word, emotion, feeling, experience, etc., ... Some people, like Singapore's very own uber SPG, who has slept with countless guys and feels open enough to share it on her blog, thinks that it's when you see a guy you HAVE TO SLEEP WITH. Come on, anyone with common sense knows that it's lust. And then there are those who think it's an emotion, and they get so emotional that they want to make me throw shit their way everytime I hear they groan that they can't get the guy they want and cry over it. Then there's the people who think love is an experience that comes with an encounter with someone of the opposite or same sex. So if I encounter someone I love I gain experience and level up like in some huge planet wide role playing game?

Life also has it's ups and downs, like an elevator. You get into a crowded one, and when the door closes fully, someone farts. Sometimes it might be a little loud and a little smelly, and sometimes very loud but with no side effects other than a loss of hearing for a couple of seconds. But the worst is when someone is lets loose the silent killer. God help that poor soul.

Life deals all sorts of hands. In life you will meet people with royal flushes, straight flushes, four of a kinds, etc., and then you meet the people who have a two of a kind, who think that they have the highest hand in game. You should let them win. After all, we should not take advantage of those who can't count, can't see properly and don't know how to play the game. They're just going to get knocked down when they're crossing the road when the green man's on.

In life, people have all sorts of decks. There's Bee, Aladdin, Bicycle, Singapore Airlines, Tiger Beer. And then there are those with a few cards short of a full deck. But save your pity for those who've lost their decks.

And crap. Look at the time. I have to go sleep or else I'll be late for work tomorrow.

2006-03-18T04:10:00.000+08:00

I like working at the my current workplace. There's only 1 drawback - my supervisor. He's a real big egomaniac. He always wants things his way, and doesn't care if things will get screwed up and all. He doesn't do much work, all he does is sit behind the PC and make phone calls, eats and drinks (mostly right in front of the counter), look at female members' breasts, talk cock with the full timers and bitch about us part-timers. Yes, he doesn't really like us part-timers. We're taught almost next to nothing when he's the only one supervising us during work, except to clear plates, wipe tables and serve food.

There are only 4 people, out of the 12 or so working there who are able to counter him, and they are the manager, assistant manager and 2 full-timers. The managers don't like him as well. Apparently, the only guy who liked him at the poolside cafe got fired recently, and since then he's been acting like he's got a stick permanently shoved up his ass. He gets scolded by the managers most of the time and gets sarcastic remarks thrown his way all the time by the 2 of the full-timers. So to escape getting fired, all he does is pretend to work when the managers are around. And when they're around, us part-timers learn stuff like being food-runners and how to operate the machinery and the aloha system, which we use to take orders and key in members' identification. But the moment he's the sole man running the show, all of us get thrown out, save for those part-timers who are more senior, because he doesn't have that many full-timers to man the 2 or 3 aloha systems there.

Just last week I got him in quite a bit of trouble. I was told by the asst. manager before he left to
report to my supervisor for certain duties. Well, I knew it had to be to learn stuff behind the counter. So I just went up to him and asked him what I was supposed to do. But all I got was a "I don't know anything" from him. So I sms-ed my asst. manager and asked him what I was supposed to do. He replied that I was to learn how to work behind the counter. So I confronted my supervisor. Somehow I think the asst. manager also sms-ed him because he was in a very foul mood when I confronted him. He said rather loudly at me, "Now that the managers are not around, I'm the one in charge and I will give the orders", and I was quite pleased because after that, there's some tension between him and the managers. I think everyone's been complaining more about him already. He's also shooting himself in the foot quite often by trying to change decisions made by the asst. manager, and he's only a supervisor.

And he aspires to be the manager of the poolside cade one day. Fat hope. Everyone feels that he doesn't have the calibre to reach that post. When things go wrong, all he does is yell, shout and bark stupid orders that just confuse everyone. Like the one time he was in charge at night, there were so many orders that he went into the kitchen and kept switching orders, as there were members waiting outside who ordered later than other members but were demanding that their food was to be served first. So in the end there was total chaos, and he shouting at the chefs until the chefs were all fed up and kept cursing his name. When I came out of the kitchen to bring food to the runners' station, I heard him say that it wasn't the chefs' fault, but the members for rushing the orders, when earlier I heard him say that it was the chefs' fault for screwing up orders. Basically, it was his presence in the kitchen that screwed up orders. I bet the chefs' complained to their boss, because I see some tension now between some of the senior chefs and our supervisor. And that day, when I was standing behind him in the kitchen waiting for the orders to be ready, I heard him swearing at one of the chefs' for his supposed incompetance (after the part when he kept passing the blame here and there). I nearly lost it there and then and hammered him. It was only because one of the other part-timers grabbed my arm that I calmed down a little. Everything that goes wrong always somehow happens to be his stupid fault, but he always blames it on others. I wish he'd get transferred to housekeeping or something. At least over there there's this really huge Indian guy whom I'm on good terms with there who can keep him in check. Hehheh.

2006-02-27T06:47:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that Isaac just ask me one question that went along the lines of "So you like to judge people" without even telling me what it was about. I don't get him. What the hell is that about? You don't just confront people with words without even an explanation as to what it's all about. And just because I got disconnected for hours at my friend's house, he gets all prissy and comes onto my blog to bitch about me not replying. Please, if you want to know something, and that person's not available, send an sms. Don't just say something halfway, especially when you're the one who initiated something. It's irritating. It's like what the hell? If you do something annoying/irritating/bad/hurtful to me, please at least expect to be bitched at. Don't just come up to me and acting all stupid and stuff and ask me "Eh, what the f**k is all that crap about?". Please at least be sensible and don't try to make things difficult for everyone and just be clear about it. Don't be an idiot and go around scolding people without even a clear understanding of what's going on.

2006-02-24T04:59:00.000+08:00

I'm getting sick and tired of Kooichi saying that I have a big ego. Basically, everyone has one, but mine just isn't as big as he assumes it to be. Basically, just because I have pride in my skills as a cyclist doesn't mean that I have a huge ego. Pride and eog are essentially 2 different things. Stop saying I have a big ego. If I did, I wouldn't have stayed until late at Lionel Koh's house to help him burn South Park seasons 1~9 into CDs, while at the same time pissing off Lionel Lee because he wanted to go home. I wouldn't have bothered to go down so many times to Bishan when tired if I had an ego. I would bloody hell decline and scream at whoever asked me to do that if I did have an ego.

Now Kooichi, he's the one with the ego. Just because I 'suaned' him just one time about something he said, as opposed to the many, many, many, many, actually countless times he has 'suaned' me, he still remembers it and is quite sore about it. He tells others of how many girls he gets to know at Soka Association meets and events. He brags about how many girls like him and how popular he is. Now, it's actually he himself who has the huge ego, just that he doesn't notice it and he wants to accuse others of having the ego. Note that people with ego always persist that it's not them who have the ego, but others around them.

I, on the other hand, prefer to keep a low profile, am a slacker, and hate the limelight. I don't give a shit how many girls like me or how many girls I get to know. I know by saying this I'm asking for a huge load of sarcasm to be poured over my head, but I have to play the defense and offense at the same time. It's like when people keep calling me gay. And when I say people, I mean people I treat as my real brothers. I have to defend myself. I can't let people push me around so much. I'm sick and tired of it. FUCK YOU, ASSWIPES. GET THE FUCK OFF MY CASE AND STOP THROWING GROUNDLESS ACCUSATIONS AT ME. GET A FUCKING LIFE, DIPSHITS! THINK ABOUT YOUR LIVES MORE THROUGHLY BEFORE YOU COME AND JUDGE ME! GROW UP! You want me to hit where it hurts? Kooichi, 1.93m tall. 20 years old. Mental age of a 16 year-old kid. Keeps meeting girls, getting to know girls. By now he knows tons of girls. FOR FUCK?! Give me a reason why someone needs to know so many girls. Unless he's gay and needs to learn how to groom himself?

I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit. I don't think it's funny when we sit at coffee shops and you start accusing me of being an egomaniac and of being gay. It's not funny, and even more NOT FUNNY when it's repeated over and over again like a fucking spoilt tape recorder. If you treat me as a friend, or a brother, please think before you open your FUCKING BIG MOUTH to say anything that can or will irritate/annoy/anger/hurt me. Thank you.

2006-02-23T04:39:00.000+08:00

I guess I've neglected to blog about something that happened recently. I assure you that it's really funny.

I was stopped by the police for going too fast on my bicycle. I had my rear blinker light on and was on my way to Lionel Koh's house to study. And before I was stopped, I made a right past the Singapore Scouts' Association. Seeing a police car just in front, I didn't dare cut accross to the correct side of the road. Instead, I waited till it turned the bend and went up the slope before increasing gear and going almost full speed towards LK's block. It was too late when I saw the police car parked at the curb near the bus stop opposite Guang Yang Secondary school. I went past the car quite fast, and was going to increase speed when suddednly I heard a car's horn and someone telling me to stop. Coming to a skidding stop, I turned around and saw the car just behind me, and 2 officers getting out, asking me why the hell I was going so fast on my bicycle and where was I going. Oh boy... I had to take out my IC, and had my particulars taken down. They let me go only when I told them I had an exam to study for. But warned me not to go too fast. I obviously had to agree. But later I just went on the pavement and sped off to LK's house. Like they could catch me. LoL.

And in the words of my friend from a private school I was attending to study for O level combined science, "Pro is liddat one!". And a little bit about that mofo. He started riding a motorcycle at age 13, and was just 17 at the time I met him. The bastard even rode his friend's motorcycle to attend lessons, and had a huge dragon tattoo on his body, from his back to his chest and down his leg. He showed us where the tail ended at his ankle, and where the dragon's head was on his shoulder. Though you might think that that is extreme, there was another one of my friends from that private school who had his whole upper body except for his arms covered in Japanese Yakuza-like tattoos. You'd never guess he was so extreme by looking at him, as he looked like a nerd with a good upbringing, driving a mercedes and all. All the more I should emphasize that looks don't count for much. It's whats inside that counts so much more. So now I bid you readers adieu. I have to wake up for work later. Goodnight!

2006-02-22T05:14:00.000+08:00

I just watched "Just Like Heaven" on DVD when I should be studying. I know, I know. Quit the nagging. Heh. It's a really good romantic comedy, and I think it's much better than "Love Actually". The acting's great and the story's just magically creative. If only this would happen in reality, I wouldn't need to bother getting a live girlfriend. Hahaha... I could have one living with me and my parents wouldn't know. But it'd be weird because people would think I'm retarded, talking to air and pretending someone's not there when questioned about it. Overall, I think it's really nice that 2 people can find true love when they've never met in person. It's so touching. I love this movie. I guess I prefer romantic comedies to juvenile comedies like American Pie and Eurotrip. Maybe it's because Reese Witherspoon is acting in it. She's such a great actress. She just fits into her roles so perfectly. She just brings life and colour to her character (I'm not being racist here).

Ok. Now to cover my ass. One, you can't call me gay because I actually love "Just Like Heaven". I can bet you millions of guys love it too, just that they're too cowardly to actually say that they do. Two, I can understand emotions and feelings better than most guys, so I really can understand this movie. I just don't give a shit about stereotypes that guys shouldn't love this genre of movies more than ones with toilet humour and gratuitous nudity, or rather, too much nudity and couples having sex in a Catholic church's confession box. Guys should not be afraid of liking these kind of movies. It's only reasonable. I just don't get it why guys should always rag on those who prefer to be outside of "what they should actually be". It's not people who create the stereotypes. It's actually the people who persecute people who don't fall into the former's category of what the everyone of that gender should actually be like.

Like for example, take a macho-minded guy who rags on other guys who are not so-called "macho" enough, but all he does is critique and do nothing to get the guy to become more macho. Basically, the macho guy is the one who's enforcing the stereotype of what macho guys are - all thougness and talk but no action. Then there are the gays. The idiots want people to accept them as they are, but they keep doing stupid things to screw it all up for themselves. Then there's the Workers' Party(WP) in Singapore. The worst idiots I've heard of so far. "Is that a stereotype?", one might ask. I can say yes to that and more. You see, in wanting to gain support, they contest the PAP on every single thing the PAP does. The WP wants to abolish everything that encourages racial interaction and socializing like the Resident Comittee (RC) corners and study corners, among other stupid ideas. Ok, so what would that do to Singapore? Let's see... Hmmm... That might make us look like Malaysia! No areas in neighbourhoods for racial mixing, large and empty areas all around and no playgrounds for kids under 12 to play at. So you might say that encourages kids to play with themselves. Besides, what is the WP stereotype? Well, for one, it's stupidity, two, it's courage mixed with a shit load of stupidity, and three, it's being too headstrong and stubborn (because they just want to show their seriousness in opposing the PAP, they do their best to discredit them). For the courage mixed with a shit load of stupidity, I can tell you one story.

It all began like this:
One Sunday afternoon I was in Orchard with a group of my friends hanging out beside Cineleisure. It so happened on that on that day the Workers' Party had an illegal gathering outside the main entrance, spouting their propaganda which is akin to that of Communism, without a permit. They were being irritating, shoving phamplets and shouting slogans at people passing by, not to mention since we were hanging out nearby, it was getting pretty annoying. Therefore, we called the police. When the police came, those WP people argued briefly with the police before being threatened with arrest. They then left. About an hour later, while walking towards Le Meridien Orchard, we saw them (WP) again, hawking their wares outside Robinson's. So we called the police again. We thought they were going to be really f**ked this time round. Too bad the police just warned them again and they left. We didn't see them again after that, but last I heard when one of my friends went to Dhoby Ghaut MRT Station to take a train home, those WP people were outside Plaza Singapura. My my... They just don't learn their lessons, do they. Recently I hear that they were up to their shit again, this time outside the ICA(Immigration and Checkpoint Authority) building. They're just a bunch of clowns. Enough said.

Well, I think I covered my ass pretty well. Hmmm... For those who haven't watched "Just Like Heaven" yet, I encourage you to do so. It's a great movie. Worthy of being watched over and over again.

2006-02-22T02:33:00.000+08:00

Kooichi says I'm very egoistic. I don't think so. Looking back and reading my blog in the 3rd person as per his suggestion, I don't see much ego in what I write or how I express myself. Maybe it's because I always defend myself when people criticize me. But it's only natural to do so, because people don't see from my viewpoint when I'm saying or explaining things. These people are the ones who really have the huge egos. They tend to expect everyone to see things from their point of view and not from a broad perspective, including the views of others. Come on, everyone's unique and we all think differently. Granted, some people may share the same views, but it won't be 100% the same. If everyone thought from the same viewpoint, we'd be like some species of insects, sharing a hive mind, thinking everything the same way and doing everything uniformly. Seriously, if Kooichi bothered to think about what he does and says, he'd realise that the one who's being egoistic is actually himself.

2006-02-18T03:56:00.000+08:00

I've done it again! Another personal record to add to my list. I cycled to work at The American Club today in 12 minutes from Bishan! It's a personal achievement considering I'm riding a moutain bike equipped with trail tyres. Previous achievements include cycling from Novena to Sin Ming in 7 minutes, 40 mins from Chestnut Grove (next to Choa Chu Kang) to Bishan in 40 minutes, Sin Ming to Sentosa and back (Sin Ming - Balestier - City Hall - Shenton Way - Sentosa - Alexandria Road - Queensway - Adam Road - Upper Thomson - Sin Ming) in less than 2 hours, and from Sin Ming to Pasir Ris in less than 40 minutes. And did I forget to mention that I can go faster than most people on road bikes?

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I hate roadies who like to travel in groups. They seriously piss me off with their road manners, doing things like hogging lanes and exuding their arrogance. I race them just for the fun of doing so, mostly to deflate their ego. So what if they own bikes that cost more than 2 or 3 thousand dollars? It's always the rider who counts the most. My top speed ever clocked on a cheap dual suspension bicycle was 50km/h. With my new GT Avalanche 1.0, I think I've broke my personal record on recent occasions when out cycling (Recently I've upgraded to racing with cars along roads just for kicks). Now I'm working part-time in order to get the money to upgrade my bike, so I can probably cycle faster.

Parts I want to buy:
(1) Crank: Shimano LX Hollowtech 2
(2) Suspension: Rockshox Revelation 426 or 429, or Fox Forx Vanilla 130 RLC or 130 R
(3) Brake Levers: Avid Speed Dial SL
(4) V-Brakes: Avid Single Digit SL
(5) Stem: Kore Elite
(6) Headset: F.U.N.N. Headbanger 1.5, FSA The Pig DH Pro or Cane Creek S6

Heh... I will probably need around $1600 for all that. Oh well, I will be working to earn the money to buy all these SWEET stuff. And for those people who complain that it was my dad who bought me my new bike, I'm sorry, but I scrimped and save in order to get buy it. And my advice to people who say that Shimano Deore MX (the normal range Deore) parts are for trashing, let me say this: Even my Shimano Deore LX rear Derailleur can't withstand impact from jumps, so what makes you think that you can trash a Deore MX? Even if it's cheap, who the hell in their right minds would buy a part to trash it and then buy a new one when it's damaged? Be a man. Do the right thing.

2006-02-17T05:09:00.000+08:00

I think I better watch what I say before I shoot myself in the foot again. Especially when Kooichi or Isaac are around. I know I speak before I think, so please pardon me, forgive me and mock me not.

2006-02-15T02:28:00.000+08:00

I think I was a little too tired when I posted the previous post. I can't think straight when I'm tired. I tend to get too paranoid when extremely tired. But I still stand by the fact that the guy whom I blogged about is a total asshole and should bloody wake up his idea that he's no longer in kindergarten.

Besides, I'm glad she loved the Swatch watch I bought her. It's one of their newest, from their 2006 Spring/Summer Collection. It's quite elegantly designed and should suit her quite well. But I forgot the earrings I was supposed to buy her. Forgetful me, as usual. She says I'd probably forget her birthday. Like I would. She was born on the 13th, while for me it was the 31st. Such an easy switch of numbers, so how could I forget. And I would never forget the birthday of anyone close to me. Except for my parents, that is. All I know is that my dad's a November baby and my mom's a May baby. Hehheh. So normally all I do during those 2 months is try my best not to piss them off.

Most of all now, I just wish she can understand what I'm going through. Not that I'm not wanting a firm relationship with her. It's just that I don't have much time to spare now that I'm studying and working, and I haven't found a way to balance a relationship in the equation. But I hope she at least wears the watch. I remember giving her other stuff like a bracelet and ring which she never wore. Damn sure I wasted my money there. LoL. Just kidding. Nothing's a waste as long as it's done for someone special.

2006-02-13T03:37:00.000+08:00

Shit happens to me day by day. And it's really a wonder that I don't fade away. Under all that "shit", of course. Well... Education wise, I'm getting tired of doing engineering stuff. Social life? It just keeps going down the drain, what with having a job and all now. Family life just keeps going worse for me now that my parents are coming down hard on me for smoking and working while studying. Love life? Don't remind me, because it's going in a direction pointing to hell. Seems that I keep hearing a certain name that I fucking hate everytime I talk to a certain someone. It's just fucking pissing me off. I don't really like that guy because he's a total asswipe who fucked up my life before and now he's going to do it again. He fucked up the lives of some of the people I know. He's a really immature brat who just puts on an act all the time to fool people. How I hate him. Then again, who am I to say who she's going to choose? Ain't my life, ain't my choice. Not in a really good mood now. Fuck it. I hate it. I think it might end soon. I can't deal with things as it is anymore. Damnit. To hell with it.

2006-02-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

I just heard something really amazing today, that my poems are crappy and that I can't write for nuts. Supposedly said by Mass Communication students in NUS. Wow. Amazing how undergrads can be such idiots. First thing, this blog is for casual writing, not for reports and other "professional" journalistic stuff. Basically, it's for writing stuff that I feel like writing. Writing in a professional way would just take up too much of my time. This would suffice, until I feel like writing in a professional way. Secondly, poems are there to express your emotions, feelings and thoughts. There is no such thing as a bad poem. Different people write, feel and express themselves differently. People who don't understand this can't be journalists and shouldn't be taking Mass Comm., as they have a pinhole view on life, possibly even on the world itself.

But other than that, I just started work at The American Club. It's a fun place to work at and the people there are great. Nice boobs all around too, what with there being a huge majority of Caucasians around. Most of the women there are so much taller than me, with boobs the size of my head. And I mean the head which is situated on top of my neck. The women all have quite nice bodies, complete with asses you can spank all night. Haha. I'm talking like a pervert. But it's true! I guess the side effects of being in Big Boobs Central is still affecting me. But it's a good side effect. But it's also MILF-Central there too. I really think this job will work out for me. Yeah. Good pay too and it's really slack there.

2006-02-09T01:37:00.000+08:00

I don't know what beef people have with me. It's just so weird that all of a sudden, there're people tagging my tagboard as '#' and '*', and with # claiming to be my friends. WOW! I didn't know that I had a friend called #, a.k.a pound. Well, let me see... pound. As in "pound my ass"? No no no no no... "pound my meat"? No, they don't make much sense. Maybe # is just an asshole who just got pounded and is looking for a place to let out the jizz within. Yeah, that's a good reason for who's #.

Now, I really hate it when ignorant assholes come to my blog and start ragging on me. It ain't cool to bitch about people you probably don't personally know or just heard about. It's totally immature. Consider the grammar they use on the board, and its immaturity amplitude is magnified tens of times. Well, I don't know about them, but I bet they're really big wussies for hiding behind a fake name in order to get their thoughts in. These people should really grow up, with double helpings of growth hormones with every Happy Meal. But it's weird, because # sounds like one of my brothers whose name is Isaac.

Isaac is a very troubled boy. Yes. He doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut. I call such people verbal whores. They never can keep their mouths close. And they come with little signs dangling from their noses which read "BEWARE, I WILL BITE YOUR SCHLONG OFF". It's time someone REALLY bitched about such assholes.

Majority of the people, let's say they're the trendy ones, like to follow what's new and in. But what they don't realise is that there're other groups of people who don't follow such thoughts. Therefore they condemn and ostracise, not really bothering to find out why these people are different. They don't realise that not everyone follows their creed or code in doing things. They don't see everyone as unique. Rather, they like to judge people based on what's hot and not in trends. They call themselves trendsetters or the leaders, but the irony of it all is that most of the time someone has already been there and done what they just did or found out, effectively making them followers and slaves to their ever changing trends. For example, some people who have sex often like to boast to those who have it infrequently or don't at all. And majority of these people are not married and are just saying so to boost their ego. Let's now give them the benefit of the doubt and say they did have sex, but what the heck is so great about it? I for one find sex overated. It's stupid to "worship" sex, even though it's enjoyable. And here lies the proof of immaturity in the trend of underage, pre-marital and excessive sex - I'm doing it and you're not so therefore I'm better than you. Look around you and listen carefully. Most people do it, and most also brag to get the attention and make others of the same gender look weak.

I say f**k'em! A bunch of brainless idiot who worship nothing but trends. What's so bad about trying to find your own foothold in life, to follow what's true to yourself? Trends change, coming and going. But one's unique self never fades. Just don't get corrupted by or caught up in trends.

2006-02-03T04:40:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do. I think I do love this girl. I think of her quite often, though I meet her quite infrequently. The feelings are mutual, but I can't seem to get myself to commit to anything. I think it's like she says, that I like the bachelor life too much already. And I guess it's really true, because I really love the freedom that I have, that allows me to do anything I want. And that's where I'm somewhat immature. But I think it's at least better than bastards and bitches who just go with girls to get sexually fulfilled or just for the sake of getting into a relationship. Those guys/girls are totally way more immature than me. I swear to God.

And there's my neighbour who lives directly opposite me. She constantly asks me if I know who scratched her car, a red BMW M3. She and her husband are indirectly asking me if I'm the one who's scratching their car. I mean like, it's obvious with their body language and tone of voice that they are accusing me of doing that juvenile deed. It's like "What the f**k?!" because I didn't do shit to their car.

Then there's the first night of CNY that I saw Celestine at J8. Boy, I couldn't recognise her. She's grown much prettier and mature-looking. Didn't realise that she's back in Singapore. She said hi and asked me why I never did go to Church anymore. Well, suffice to say, one doesn't say "I think some Church leaders are total asswipes and that's why I don't want to go back". So I said "Maybe this Sunday" and that was that. I seriously hate people asking me why I seldom go to Church anymore.

Now to end it all, let it be said that Southpark rules! Best animation I've watched that is from America in a long time. God bless its creators.

2006-01-23T05:53:00.000+08:00

I don't know how a friendship went so wrong. I suppose that it can't really be called that because I don't really know her that well. But somehow, some way, due to some asshole, what could have been a "friendship" went so horribly wrong. Just because of rumours like "I think he likes you". I swear these people are assholes. Just because I once told a couple of "trusted" friends that I liked someone, they tell other people. Sometimes the people whom you think can be trusted can't be at all. Now I'm not on good terms with her because of some idiot. She's ignoring me and probably thinking bad things about me due to all that shit people have been saying, Sometimes Christians aren't the best people to tell a secret. And these friends I told to are the more "popular" in Church. So few giving such a bad name to the rest of us Christian folks. I'm never again going to believe anyone from Church that says "I swear I'm not going to tell anyone" without first knowing that person well enough. I thought I did that time. Guess I was wrong.

I really dread going to Church and seeing her accusing eyes, eyes that accuse me liking her. Like it's a crime? What the hell. It's pure stupidity. Which I really hate. So what if I liked her before? Does it mean I still like her? But on the bright side, it's her loss, not mine. Let her think what she wants. I hate this shit.

2006-01-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I have such a dumb brother. He comes into my room to borrow my weights, then while I'm smoking, takes them out of my room and leave my room door open. And that got me into trouble with my parents. WHAT THE F**K! He leaves my door wide open, letting the wind blow the cigarette smoke out into my living room, where my parents are. WHAT THE F**K!!! I don't know whether he has brains or not. Seems like he doesn. Otherwise he's thinking with his nether brains, those two hanging below his dick. I think my brother's the only one who doesn't even think before doing something. He comes to my room to borrow something, then gets me into trouble after he has it. Now I can't get my new phone.

My parents were actually thinking about going down to the Singtel shop in Orchard Road to either extend my old plan or change my mobile plan to iOne Plus, and get me a new phone (which I had to borrow money to buy). Now I don't know what I'm going to do. My parents were ranting and raving outside my door, because of his stupidity, and I heard them say something about not getting me a new phone. What the hell. I'm totally pissed off as it is about him getting me in trouble. Now I'm not going to get a new phonel, so I'm twice as pissed. F**K! But thinking about it, this is not the first time he's let his idiocy show. At least he's reached a certain level of intelligence that allows him to hide his idiocy in front of his friends. But maybe not, since the idiot gave away a $500 Sony MP3-CD player to a friend, and let his friend steal his Nokia 6670 and then not confront his friend straightaway about it. What an idiot.

My brother is such a self-pitying wuss-bag. Everyday on his blog he goes on and on about the way people treat him. How people bitch at him at his workplace, how girls don't like or appreciate him, how no one understands him, how his life is the shits, etc., (add anything that sounds self-sympathetic here). And there's one thing I'm left to wonder: how can a girl like a guy who who always sympathizes with himself and who does idiotic things? Besides, if there was a game with a job class that's called "Village Idiot", he'd be the best at that. Hmmm... Let me see, I believe some of his skills and statistics would be:

Statistics (Max is 255):
Idiocy: 255
IQ: 1 (Let's give him the benefit of a doubt and give him 1 point here)
EQ: 255 (Hey he's very emotional)
Stupidity: 255
('Nuff said here)

Skills:
I (Intelligence).Degen: Kills victim's brain cells when cast by user. Sometimes the user is so stupid (i.e., when stupidity is maxed out, he casts it on himself
for triple the brain cell loss). This spell makes the victim stupid for 30secs.

Aura of Patrick Star: Undeniably the cartoon character with the lowest IQ. His aura makes the brain cells of anyone in a 100m radius die out by 40 a second.

S.Bash (Stupidity Bash): Stuns a victim into stupidity for 2 seconds. The victim cannot move for the duration of the spell.

Einstein's bane: Once activated, everyone in for a 1km radius immediately stops what they're doing and become stupified by the aura of the demon of stupidity.
Everyone just does things that defy intelligent thinking for 5 minutes.

This is lame and I know it. But sometimes such things have to be said. I really have a stupid brother. He's really so like Joshua Goh, Justin Goh's brother. Doesn't think before doing anything. Such people often shoot themselves in their dicks ('leg' is too cliche) and wonder later what the f**k happened. Too bad for them that they're stupid.

2006-01-08T09:22:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but I just can't stop thinking of her... Arghz!!!

My pride and joy - GT Avalanche 1.0

2006-01-07T07:06:00.000+08:00

To those who've been trying to call or sms me, don't bother. I've lost my cell phone. AGAIN! This time it was in a cab. But I'm hoping to get a new one on Monday. Preferably the Samsung E530C. But my number will still be the same.

Anyway, I just bought my new bicycle, and it's none other than the 2006 GT AVALANCHE 1.0! And for the entire common test period I was thinking about buying it after my last paper on Thurday. When Thursday came, I couldn't concentrate on my paper. I was thinking about buying my bike. So when the lecturer said we could leave after an hour, I was like "F**K IT. If I have to go for re-test then so be it". And I left the classroom and went outside to smoke. I left shortly after that to go to AMK to get the bike. I was feeling so vulnerable when I went to get the cash from an ATM. My wallet was bulging with $50 notes and I was walking through an area which was quite deserted. But after I got my bike. I was so damn happy I didn't give a shit that I lost my cell phone. I just went cycling and forgot that I hadn't slept for 36hours. A brief description of my bike:

Frame, handle bars, grips: GT
Suspension Fork: Rockshox J3 (formerly known as Rockshox Judy)
Brakes: Shimano Alivio
Brake Pads: KoolStop
Shifters: Shimano Deore
Crank: Truvativ 5D
Front Derailleur: Shimano Deore
Peddles: Shimano
Seat: WTB
Rear Derailleur: Shimano Deore LX
Rear cog: Shimano Deore LX
Tyres: Tioga

And I paid $730 for it. And it's worth every single penny I paid after saving for 3months.

But something f**ked up happened when I was cycling to Bishan to meet Ralph. I was going past the control office at Bishan Interchange when I knocked down an SBS employee working there. I got off my bike and apologised to him, stretching out a hand to help him up. But the guy refused and grabbed my bike and demanded my IC. I was like "WHAT THE F**K!" He then grabbed my bike and dragged it into the control office then. I shouted at him and he refused to return my bike. He then threatened to call the police and beat me up.

Then suddenly he shouted "You want to know how it feels like to get knocked down?", and proceeded to use my bike to hit my right knee. Even though it's the tyres that hit me, I suffer from knee problems and was infuriated by his actions. When I told him to go ahead to call the police, he quickly threw my bicycle out of the office, and closed the door. I was like WTF? So I went to call the police, then called Ralph to meet me at the interchange. But before the police arrived, the guy ran off, and shortly after Ralph arrived with Charles. But I made a report with the officers who arrived. And to no surprise, after the officers got my detailed description of what had transpired, the started to talk cock with me. Guess we all know where the bulk of the tax money goes to and what it is used for. And the officers hung around for quite awhile, talking cock with Ralph, Charles and me. Asking how much my bike costs, how his bicycle got stolen, etc., etc., . Of the whole incident, the thing that really pissed me off was that the guy just took my bike and threw it out of the office.

But enough about that. I'm hungry. I'm going to grab something to eat.

THE NEW YEAR! WOOOOO...!

2006-01-02T05:43:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I did wrong. Was it what I said or did? Of all the people I know in my life, she was the only one who didn't wish me a "Happy New Year", choosing instead to ignore me even though she was like 1 meter from me and everyone there and then was in the mood to do so.

Sigh... I guess to some people, I'm the shit that they step on. It's like I'm ostracised just because I smoke, have an abstract way of thinking, like to SMS people to warn them (for example, the rise in crime in their areas because it's happened to people I know), am very friendly and thuoghtful. Sometimes I think "F**k 'em, if they want to be that way, then so be it". But after that I'd think that it's better to have more friends and contacts than none, to exist peacefully with one another. It's ironic when you think about it, what with all the warmongering going around. Friends can become enemies overnight and vice versa. And some people definitely need a good slap in the face if they're in leadership roles, but don't extend their welcome to people they don't like, or couldn't be bothered with.

Why am I bothered with this, one might ask, since I'm such a slacker and someone who just doesn't really give a shit about what people think? I would say that in order to continue, to move on in life, one has to settle such thoughts, things, feelings, etc. In a way it's how I can get by without giving a damn about things. By rationalizing about things and situations. I didn't get to where I am by just wilfully going about my life without giving a damn about things that relate to me.

Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. I'm starting to get an itch. And it's a bitch. Don't tell me about people being human. If you're human you'd think about the feelings of other people as well as your own. No one can get far in life just thinking about themselves all the time and not think about the well-being of others. But some people are special cases. They are the ones that need suppositories by the ton to clear their ego, pride or fear of certain things. Damn... Have to stop typing soon. The fractures in my right hand are starting to hurt. Opps... might be a little self-sympathy there. But I have to think about myself first in order to be able to fully take care of the needs of others. Oops. Self-glorification. Damn. Guess I need to spend more time thinking about my life then.

And my resolutions for this year are:

1) Stop thinking that resolutions are just insignificant guidelines.

2) Either cut down on the number of cigarettes I smoke or just totally quit.

3) Clean out my ashtray more often. Or risk clogging the toilet bowl with cigarettes every couple of months (I know because I just dumped my cigarette butts in the toilet bowl and tried to flush them down).

4) Study harder!

5) Take slacking to a higher level.

6) Do less stuff that will end up with me getting fractures.

7) Clean my room.

8) Save more money.

9) To go to Hawaii.

10) And meet girls who are kawaii

11) Really humiliate people who call me gay.

12) Think of more resolutions along the way so as to keep myself occupied during class. I could just sleep but that would not be a good idea since people are waiting for me to do so in order to get revenge on me for the pranks I've played on them when they were sleeping.

13) Play more pranks.

And a Happy New Year to those that read my blog. Have a great year ahead =) Ciao!

2005-12-31T05:11:00.000+08:00

It was a bad Christmas for me. Now it's New Year's Eve. I think it's going to be just as bad. I mean, how does one celebrate the holidays when one knows that the exams are starting just a couple of days after? It sucks, because I want to be out enjoying myself, but I can't do so because of the exams. Damn... This is a short post. Need sleep. Need to wake up early to study.

2005-12-25T05:34:00.000+08:00

I just found out that some of my friends thought my previous post hilarious. It's like "What the F**K?!" Ok, let's be serious. I don't like being called gay. I'm not and it's annoying like hell, plus the fact that nowadays my temper flares up easily if I'm called gay.

To start on what's happened today, Christmas, at LK's house. It was quite fun talking to LK's dad, the dude an ego, who demonstrated that he could Karate chop a whole bunch of wooden chopsticks and smash ice cubes into little pieces. He kept insisting he could do it though we never said he couldn't, which ended up with him getting a sore hand. It was obvious he was in pain, because all the veins in his forehead popped out, plus his body language. It was very ego, though we all suspect the huge amount of alcohol he imbibed could be another cause of his ego surfacing. Then Ralph appears, coming up from the void deck where he and a few other guys went to drink, with a 5 litre keg of Heineken. He comes over to the table where we're sitting and hits my right shin with the bottom of the solid metal keg, which still has half the contents left. The moment the protruding bottom edge of the keg hits my shin pain shoots up my leg. I told him that if he dared do it again, I'd hit him really hard. And he had the balls to tell me he'd use the keg to hit my head it I did.

Imagine the balls of the f**k-head I call a brother. If he's already an asshole when sober, you know he'll be more of one when he's been drinking. I don't know why but somehow people use the excuse of "I've got alcohol in my system" when they drink to justify their actions. For Ralph's case, it's an excuse to be more of an asshole. He's got a problem there. And like everyone who drinks (I mean only alcoholics), he tends to let his ego really show. If you thought his ego is like already 100% shown when sober, you'd think it's been multiplied like ten-fold when he's drinking.

And Isaac, I don't know what's his problem. I try to help him find the f**kers who robbed him and LK, he says I led him on a wild goose chase. It's his own damn fault he took his own sweet time to get down to Bishan when I called him. You can't blame me right? I'm with some friends, so you can't expect me to just up and leave to follow those suspects right? If only he got his ass down quick he could probably have a chance to nab the bastards. But I get the blame when Isaac gets down with some others and the suspects have already left. It's his own bloody fault he's indecisive about things. Just because he's been robbed doesn't give him the right to think that everyone should do things according to how he thinks they should be done.

Right now, I should be in bed, just like every year, and then wake up at 11.30am to go to church. But this year I'm not going to go. I don't see why I should. I don't mix well with the people there. I'm just treated like some nobody. I don't see why I should endure all those fake smiles and greetings. Only a few people I know in church are really genuine. I've been hearing all about "Bring more people to Christ" from all the leaders. And after months of not attending church, I come back and still find the same old faces. Talk about irony. The leaders who should take the first step at bringing people to Christ have nothing to account for. I think through all these years, I was the only one who actually brought someone who stayed, and that person is Justin Chan. He's still quite enthusiastic though he's studying in Australia. It's quite sad about the irony, but what can I do about it?

But anyway, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Enjoy your day and don't screw anything up.

2005-12-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

I don't believe how people can classify men as gay by such irrelevant points:

1) lifts weights
2) doesn't have a girlfriend
3) would rather give up a girl than cigarettes

If that's the case, then all those men who:

-have gym memberships are gay
-break up with girlfriends because of incessant nagging due to smoking are gay
-don't have a girlfriend are gay. That is seriously sad, because all priests, reverends, monks and other celibate religious figures, all of whom are male, are to be considered gay because they don't have a girlfriend. And that's coming from someone who's Catholic. Wow... The Catholics sure a controversial, aren't they?

2005-12-15T06:24:00.000+08:00

Just last week, during breakfast with Kkj and Iz at a coffeeshop near Lk's house, we saw the weirdest thing - a bird without feathers on it's head. Then Kkj just started saying the bird was punk because it "shaved" its head, and tried to take a picture of it. But here's the hilarious part. We all know Iz is a Catholic, and that means he's circumcised. So I started saying that it was a circumcised bird. Kkj started laughing like hell. Well, Iz, like Daniel, doesn't like to be made fun of. So the bugger started kicking me and punching me. Now what the hell is that supposed to mean? That he has "the right" to make ridicule others, but the person who's almost always at the receiving end can't fight back? It's ironic how things go in this brotherhood, like them saying I'm just like Daniel in personality (yes, ego and "alpha male trait" included in the box), when in fact they are the ones who mirror him in ego. They don't realise that everything they do shows the ego in them. Like when they make fun of others. It's proven that people only do so to boost their ego, under the pretext of "having a little fun".

But I also do realise that Daniel's ego has somewhat deflated a little. He doesn't ridicule people as much now. I think his ego has dropped back down from that galaxy above ours, and is currently hovering over the North Pole. Though that's still quite a lot, it's still not as much as before.

And I don't have ego. What I have is called pride. Pride in what I do. It's not in winning most of the time that satisfies me. It's doing things appropriately with accountability to myself and maybe others if the need calls for it. Like learning things like bunny hops on a bicycle and jumps. I don't boast about it and keep the skills for myself. I teach people how to do it. I tell people who are interested. I don't know how people see that as ego. I don't praise myself to the skies. I rather win in life than in petty games of "I'm better that you". I don't things like comparing grades, because that's what ego is all about, letting others know how good you are all the time. But like they say, self praise is international disgrace.

Short term memory loss.

2005-12-15T05:39:00.000+08:00

WOW! I just discovered my brother has short term memory loss. It's amazing when people call in IOUs on favours, and the other party just blatantly denies knowledge of them. Happens all the time with my younger brother. Not 6 hours ago he was claiming that I never lent him my laptop charger to use when he needed it, becuase his was at Toshiba. So over the period of about 5 days he borrowed my adapter, without my knowledge, sometimes even taking it to school, and on one occasion during that period even leaving it inside his room with his door locked, so poor me had to wait till my mom got home to open his locked door so I could take it back. During that period I had to do projects and rush online homework, and I got scolded by my lecturers for not doing assignments. You might say that I could use my home desktop PC, but if said PC doesn't have the programs I need to complete assignments, how the heck could I do them? So I complain to my folks, and all they say is "he needs it, so let him use it, and bear with it". My parent's words are the bottom line, so that means I couldn't do anything. My brother says he has projects to rush. I say BS to that. Oh pardon me. That's the name of the course he's taking. Business Studies. Also the acronym for "Bull Shit". As if anyone has to do projects 24/7.

So now that I take his adapter to use, because I have a programming test later, and have to revise on past year topics, he calls down the wrath of heaven, threatening to smote me with fire and lightning (it's a figure of speech), claiming that he's never used my adapter before. Right... short term memory loss. In fact, it seems that he's forgotten all the times he's taken my things to use. Like cigarettes, for instance. He claims that I never give him cigarettes. What BS! And what of using my laptop? He uses my laptop to play games and when I want to use his for a little while he makes such a hell lot of noise that the deaf could probably hear it. He takes my weights too, plus the PS2 which he claims to be his (which in fact my dad bought). Basically, he believes everything in the house to be his, like my dad's CD-RWs, tools and DVDs. Which he claims he never takes, though my dad always finds in his room. But no matter what the heck he does, my parents still treat him like a prince.

He doesn't seem to think he's in any wrong.I think it's because everyone's lenient with him. I can't stand his selfish ways anymore. He thinks he's King Shit because no one bothers to teach him a lesson. He has way too much ego. If NASA finds a way to propel their rockets using ego, I'm sure they will find no lack of it if they leech it from him, or from this other guy I know. My brother's problem is that he thinks he's always right and that people should give way to him ('people' here meaning 'family'). He always defers to his friends. But looking on the bright side, it would be worse if he was a girl and suffered from the same problem. I believe it would be at least a hundred times worse. Thinking about it that way, it seems to me that he is a girl, just trapped inside a guy's body.

Hmmm... Thinks he's always right. Check. Thinks people should give way to him. Check. Always weight conscious. Check. Always wants to get the last word in. Check. Likes to argue. Check. Buys expensive things on a whim. Check. Doesn't analyse the pros and cons when purchasing something (aka shopping blind). Check. Always has an opinion on things that don't concern him. Check. Likes to gossip. Check. Likes to shop. Check. Etc... OMG! He is a girl. So now I can officially say that I have a twin sister. A rather ugly one at that. And one who has... or rather, has and is a dick. Ewww... That is gross.

Hospitals?

2005-12-12T10:31:00.000+08:00

Saturday was really tough for me. Waking up at 1pm, I realised that the upper portion of my left ear where one of my ear studs was located had swelled up, and the stud itself was retracted under the skin. As the hole had closed while I was sleeping, I couldn't take it out. And when I tried, the pain was unbearable, causing my eyes to tear. The wound itself was bleeding and pus leaking out. I don't know how it happened as I've pierced that hole 3 months ago and the wound should have closed. Might have been that I never removed the ear stud to clean the hole, and it got infected due to that area being hard to wash with soap. I had to bear the pain until 8pm as my dad's cell phone battery died and my mom didn't bring hers out. And I was left to wonder why people buy them, yet never bother to switch them on or bring them out.

So when my parents came home, my mom brought me to Tan Tock Seng Hospital's A&E section to take the stud out. While there, I noticed that the female hospital staff, especially the young ones, were very attractive. But there's one setback. Most of them are from the Phillipines or Indonesia. Which brings me to analyse how TTSH operates. They hire Filipino or Indonesian nurses and orderlies and Indian assistants, which would mean they have to pay low wages. Then the interns are all Chinese, which is probably where the bulk of their charges go. Then the older doctors are mostly Indian, from India, judging by the accent. But then again, I might be wrong because their accent is the same all over the world. And they save so much! No wonder doctors can be so rich. Hire third world country citizens and you save a load of money. I'm lucky that when I was in the OT the doctor was a specialist and not some intern, and that the nurse was a good one. There wasn't any pain, though I did scream for the benefit of those waiting outside for their own operations. After the operation, I collected my ear stud and saw the blood from my ear. Part of it was black with infected blood and some of it was white and red - blood mixed with pus. The whole damn mass of liquid there looked like pastel paint. It was f**king gross. I went out of the OT with a swagger and a grin, left my mom to wait till they called my name to fix an apppointment for my check-up, then went for a smoke, got my appointment when I went back in, collected my medicine, and then went home.

Got a call from Ralph later, asking to go out cycling. Well, the doctor didn't say that I couldn't go. So I went. Waste of my time though... Didn't cycle much. Slacked was more like it. I seriously have to find a new group of people to cycle with.

2005-12-10T05:40:00.000+08:00

Tra-la-la-la-la. Christmas time is here again. But gee... I wonder why I don't feel the festive joy? Is it because of the extreme commercialism of Christmas? Is it because a week after Christmas I have common tests? Or maybe I'm just not in the mood. I kind of think it's all 3 reasons. We all know the reason for the commercialism started with Coca-Cola, the popular cocain drink company, and it all started going downhill from there. The bastards. I shan't delve further into that. I rather bitch about my common test dates. Who the hell sets it on the 3rd day after New Year's Day? It totally kills the festive spirit. Ngee Ann Poly is run by people who are such killjoys.

The third reason, is because I'm in no mood. I ask people to do a simple thing like a survey for me, and pass it to me on Thursday, and no one does it. They know who they are. And they expect me to do things for them at the drop of a hat. So what if people whom we know have problems and you need to be there for them? You are creating a problem for me because I have to account to my group leader for the delay of the surveys. Do you know what responsibility is? But I know that there are exceptions to that. If someone wants to commit suicide and you have to save the guy, by all means drop what you're doing and do it, because life is precious. But if it's some stupid problem along the lines of "which condom do you think is the best", "how do I pleasure my new girlfriend" or "how do I make her happy", I would say "GET YOUR F**KING PRIORITIES RIGHT!".

I'm really annoyed by how inconsequential my brothers treat me. It's always "Ben is wrong", "Ben's a proud and stupid idiot living in Sin Ming", "Ben is gay", "Ben, why can't you just come down to Bishan, because we don't want to go Sin Ming". QUIT WHINING YOU F**K HEADS. Just because I don't want to stay and play DOTA with you doesn't merit me getting insulted. Think about it. I ask you to go cycling and you always tell me "NO". So why the f**k can't I deny you what you want. I go to Bishan, I have to take a cab home and pay the fare + midnight surcharge myself. If you guys come to Sin Ming and play you can split the fare. And they know I hate being called gay, yet they still persist. They're like parasites, and are only programmed to make my life miserable.

And so what if I like cycling alone? I'm forced by circumstances to do so because they refuse to go with me. And they make so much noise about it. But at least when cycling alone I don't have to submit myself to their incessant name-calling, which gets more irritating day by day. So I don't want to get a girlfriend, because I think that just getting one for the sake of not getting called gay is really stupid, and I know I don't have the time or the finances to support one. And I don't see what getting a girlfriend and having sex is so great. Getting a girlfriend at my age is a want, not a need (unless I really fall in love), and sex is seriously overrated. Also, I don't see the point in discussing my past sex life with people, or to compare notes about it. It's stupid and just a damn ego booster for males who are unsure about themselves.

Well, other than that, the lack of maturity of those who claim to be matured is really amusing. They go on and on comparing their sex lives, changing girlfriends frequently, humiliating others just for the perpetual boost of ego, etc., etc., is really immature. Telling me to get a life is really such irony when you yourself should really look at it and ask yourself how much of a contradiction it really is.

2005-12-07T19:14:00.000+08:00

I seriously think my classmate Weijun has a problem. He skipped the first 5 weeks of school, and when he finally comes back, refuses to do anything to help himself. And he has the balls to scold me when I don't want to help him pass a project he's supposed to do to another friend to do it for him. And this isn't the first time. Last semester he skipped school a lot. He would have been debarred if we, his classmates, didn't sign attendance and suckered the lecturers into believing he was actually in school. I even had to help him write a letter to our school's director to get him out of trouble. It's seriously quite f**ked up.

When he came back on this Monday, we all expected him to actually do something to help himself. He went to see one of the lecturers in charge of the module he was supposed to drop, so that he could take it. Chow and I followed him, helped him get the parts required for a project that he was supposed to do, and then after Chow left, I waited 40mins for him to meet the lecturer, missed God knows how many buses, and when I finally got on board the bus around 5.30pm it was so crowded I had to stand when I was so tired. And tomorrow he's supposed to hand in his project or something, because he's going off to Taiwan with his mom until the end of the term. Can anyone believe the balls he has? To come school for only 3 days out of 49 days of school, and then fly off to Taiwan for a holiday? And just because of that he wants to hand his project to one of his friends to do and submit for him. He knew on Monday that he had to do it, as he is flying off to Taiwan on Thursday, but he doesn't. I don't know what he has a brain for. It's an obvious waste of a brain. Even today I accompanied him to send his laptop to the MeL service center to get it sent to Toshiba for repairs, due to damage caused by water spillage. And the bastard even asks me to do the insurance claim for him. What the hell? It's your laptop, and you ask your friend to do it for you? And then you lose your temper when people don't want to help you anymore.

All along he's been getting people to do stuff for him, signing attendance, doing projects and other stuff so that he can skip school. He doesn't seem to want to help himself. And I'm seriously annoyed by such people. I don't know how they're going to survive when they go out to work or National Service. Reliance on people is good, just so that you don't cross the line by asking too much. Others have their own things to do as well. You can't expect someone to be always there to help you, as you have to help yourself in order for people to see your difficulties and who'll then help you. The world can be yours if only you'll put in effort. You can't skive all the way and expect things to happen for you at your command. Helping Weijun all the time has made him too dependant on others. He has to learn his lesson. He needs to know that he has to put in effort, or else there will be nothing left for him.

No pain, no gain... Argh... The irony.

2005-12-04T16:51:00.000+08:00

Recently I've been spouting the idiom "No pain, no gain". It seems really good to use because I will have a good excuse to do stupid things sometimes and claim experience it will give me. But I injured myself in two very bad places over the week. On Wednesday I injured my left shoulder, left forearm, and left wrist while doing a wheelie. I started off wrong, twisting my shoulder and practically my entire left arm. It still hurts now, and is very pain. But it can't beat the injury I got yesterday. Forgetting I'm travelling on low gear down a slope, I attempt to peddle while standing up a little (done with no hands). I was surprised at how little tension there was when my foot turned the peddle. And I fell onto the seat on the right side, injuring my lower right back. It hurts so very, very much because it's the site of an old injury. Well, despite all the pain I still went cycling. Yes I did. Most people would call that stupidity, but I want to see how much pain I can handle.

I reached home around 3.45am after meeting Kooichi and Kenji. It was quite boring because all Kkj could think about was his new girlfriend. I swear, he's just like someone who's just discovered boy-girl relationships for the first time. He can't stop talking about her. To me it seems like puppy love. It's like come on man, I don't hear anyone else I know going on and on about their girls the way he does. It's like he's obsessed by it. And for goodness sake he's already 19. But some things don't change, as he still is obsessed with gay jokes. What an immature retard. Just because I'm lazy and I KNOW I don't have the finances to go chase girls, I'm being called gay. It's like what the f**k. I don't have to get a girlfriend just because others are doing so. It makes the whole idea seem so commercial, especially since you do have to buy things for your girl and stuff like that.

Other than that, I had another really weird dream last night. I dreamt of Linette. After not talking to her for like 3 or 4 months due to a really bad argument, I suddenly had a dream about her. And I've not thought at all about her. I dreamt that we were in a relationship. In the dream, she was like this really nice girl who was sensitive and emotional. Yes, the irony of it, because she's so sarcastic and cynical. Well, anyway, I don't care. She really pissed me off that time by accusing me of being a prick to people and that I'm an asshole, when I wasn't and was just defending myself to a verbal attack to my person. She didn't bother finding out why I did that and just told me off. I can't be bothered with people who don't give a shit about what I think or how I feel.

2005-11-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

I've been having really weird dreams lately. And these dreams always involve a girl, who seems very familiar, yet I've never met her before. Everytime I see her in my dreams, it's like a sense of deja vu washes all over my ethereal being. She wears spectacles, has a nicely broad forehead, quite tall, is quite tanned and has an almost flat chest (which is very sad). Just kidding! Well, it's really weird because I can recall most of the dreams she's in. Maybe it's my life partner? I really don't know. But she looks like a nice girl. Haha. But last night my dream was quite scary. Pennywise the clown was in my dream. The bugger was holding a bunch of red balloons, and walking around the hotel where there was some event or something. If you've read Stephen King's "IT", you will know who I'm talking about. He was menacing, and threatening me, that he'd kidnap her or something. So in my usual way, I tell him to "F**k off!", and threatened to give him an almighty kick in the groin. And then he vanishes, leaving behind all his red balloons. And I just wonder around with "the girl in my dreams", the scene suddenly changes to the next day, checking out time, and she's missing. And I rush around in a frenzy looking for her, finding not her in her room, but a balloon with the leering face of Pennywise. I curse and swear, vowing to mince his genitalia. But suddenly I wake up, and checking my cell phone, I see it's already 6.12am, 3 minutes before my alarm clock is scheduled to ring.

So I get up to wash up and get ready for my dad to fetch me to school. While I'm downstairs waiting, I looked across to the bustop amd see a girl who strikingly resembles the girl in my dreams, and she's looking back at me. At the moment our eyes met, a feeling of deja vu washed over me, making me shiver. Then my dad arrives, and I get in. I close me eyes and try to forget it. I only recalled it while cycling after I reached home from school. And it still freaks me out. The thing about Pennywise the clown is that I read the book "IT" 2 years ago, and I haven't thought about it at all. I hope not to dream tonight. I want a peaceful night's rest, without that prick of a clown invading my dreams. It's irritating. If I do dream tonight, I hope to kick him in the 'nads, to teach him a lesson for disturbing such a sweet dream. Imagine the balls of that clown, turning a sweet dream sour. Anyway, I got to go sleep. Have to wake up in 5 hours. Nights!

My bike's gone

2005-11-21T08:17:00.000+08:00

Yeah, it's about time I blogged about my bicycle, or rather, what's left of my bicycle. Last saturday I kept doing jumps in church, in the carpark, in the lobby and outside the premises. In order to jump, I lowered my seat considerably. What I failed to realise was that my bike's frame was already compromised at the part where the rear suspension is connected. So not realising that there was a dent at that point in the frame, I did 4 consecutive jumps. At the end of the 4th jump, my foot slipped off the pedal, causing me to fall back hard on my seat at an awkward position. The force from the height and landing caused the frame to bend inward a little, and me not noticing at that point in time, did another 3 jumps (I didn't notice the dent at first, only that when I sat down the angle of the seat and position of the pedals was quite weird). Only this time the frame really bent hard, forcing my pedals to about 7 cm above the ground. I gave up on jumping, and instead went for cell group.

Well, cell group was quite fun. Saw many new people, or rather, people who were there for quite some time, and whom I didn't see because I've skipped church for a very long time. Ice breakers was quite lame though. Stupid game... I'm not going into details except that it made the girls scream all the time. Ending of cell, my hands and legs felt itchy again, so I went to get my bicycle(I don't learn my lessons really well), and did a few hops and stoppees, getting ready to impress when the others came down, actually to show off to someone who was there. Doing these won't do much harm to my bike, so I kept doing them until I got really stupid and did one jump. And that was the last jump I ever did on my bike. The whole frame bent till the pedals were only 4cm off the floor. And I really thank God, because it's a miracle my bike didn't break in half. But then after dinner at the nearby coffee shop, I had to stand and cycle all the way home. And it's no easy task, as there are so many curbs I have to go up on.

Thinking about it, it's actually very dangerous when the bike breaks in half. If things went terribly wrong, someone could be impaled or break something, like an ego. Then again, I thank God for keeping me safe, even though He knew I was too playful and a show-off, and for not letting me lose face in front of her. =P

C programming is fun.

2005-11-18T01:26:00.000+08:00

It's just a few weeks in school and I'm already longing for the next holidays. Having to bring my heavy-ass laptop to school almost everyday is really a chore. And on top of that I have to bring my tool kit as well. I'm lucky that wednesday is the only day I don't have to bring it with me. So I sleep early in order to have the strength to lug that crap around.

So one might wonder why I'm up so late on a Thursday night, even though I have school tomorrow. Well, I was catching up on C Programming. And after 3 hours of writing programs, I'm finally giving up, because I was modifying my school work and turning it into crap. For example, a programming dealing with exam marks. I changed it to one that asks for a man's penis length, and accusing him of lying if the person input a length that was over the "limit". Immature nonsense. Staring at a screen for 3 hours can do that to you. Argh... Getting a headache now.

And about school, I'm getting sick and tired of my classmates. They're offending peope all the time with nasty words. Even though they're joking, they use the wrong tone of voice, which makes it's very annoying. Insulting people is ok, but once you bring parents into the picture, that's it. There's a fine line between insulting someone about his height/race/size/opinions and insulting someone about his parents/gender/sexuality/penis size and length. Ok, I do admit I make racist jokes all the time. But I'm always careful about my tone of voice, and I try not to offend people. Why can't people learn to control their tone of voice, I wonder. These days I'm trying my best not to hit people in school. Argh... It has to do with school work, I think. It's adding to that stress. I'm feeling more stress this semester than in previous ones. I think it's the time-table. Well, I need sleep now. Ciao!

It's really hilarious.

2005-11-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

The past few days have been filled with laughter. I guess my class is starting to settle back into our old routine of making fun of each other and our lecturers. Our classes are filled with laughter all the time, and our lecturers are just trying to get used to us, though with a little reluctance. Just the other day in one of my lab classes, when we were getting aquainted with the new equipment, we were introduced to this pen-like thing with a hook. Our lecturer Joe Sing called it probe. And since my class is over imaginative and mostly perverted, quite a few of us started laughing real hard and screaming "ANAL PROBE!", with references to South Park That brought the house down. The people walking outside our class were like giving "what-the-f**k?" looks. And Joe Sing, other than Poh Choon Leong, is the other teacher who's got a perverted sense of humour. Too bad other lecturers don't share their sense of humour. That is what allows teachers and students to bond, making lesson time more tolerable for all.

Other than the "Anal Probe" incident, there was only one where we pissed one lecturer off. It was during tutorial and she was asking if we remembered what a "period" was. So someone decided be lame and say "Once a month". It was cliche and all, but then we started laughing, because people started referencing what I jokingly said before that we "should never trust something that bleeds for 3 days and doesn't die". Well, it was hilarious, but the teacher wasn't pleased. Either she was on her period or she was a feminist. I think she might be both because (1) she looks like a chihuahua, (2) she sounds like a man and (3) she wears men's shoes. But I think she might be confused with her sexuality (because she's married).

Then last night, while I was having a smoke and chatting with a couple of my neighbours, one of them, called Max, suddenly said that people were "born from the ass". And so the other guy, Zaiful, and I started laughing like mad. And Max was like "It's true what! People are born from the ass". We had to correct him over and over. And to think that Max is 21, I'm 19 and Zaiful is 18. Well, we didn't let him forget about it. The whole time we were seated at my void deck we constantly made fun of him. He constantly shot himself in the foot, coming up with weird facts that he thought were true, thus making a fool out of himself. It was quite pitiful, to say the least. But we were enjoing ourselves laughing at him.

And the other very, very funny incident happend today during computer programming class. Chee Chow was sitting on my left and Jeremy was on my right. Chow and I were both writing our programs and listening to what the teacher was saying, while Jeremy was sms-ing, chatting on the phone and looking at Friendster. And he wasn't paying attention to what was going on in class. So when he finally tried to do his work, he found himself wondering what was going on. So when he asked me for help I decided to have a little fun. While he was looking intently at his computer's screen and typing, he asked me what was the next line to type. So I said "my balls are itchy", and the idiot typed it out. Chow started to laugh and that was when Jeremy realised what was going on. Which was pretty funny. Heh. It didn't stop there. The last prank was when Faizal used a laser pointer to shine beside his arm. As the room as dark, Jeremy got a big shock. He tried denying getting shocked, but he was flustered, and he started doing little stupid things. Jeremy is an idiot, in any case. Hehheh.

Reflection

2005-11-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

I don't know what's going on these days. I've been getting all stressed and stuff. I think it's got to do with what's happening recently. Getting bullied about my supposed deviant sexual preference isn't really helping me. It's really pushing me to the limit, and I'm so scared that when or if I break, things will get ugly. Oh yeah, that's it. The Uber-Slacker is breaking down. I guess everyone experiences lows in their lives now and then. It's just that this is actually the first time it's happening to me, and I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle it. I need to compose myself and get a grip on things like I always did in the past. So help me God.

I've been thinking about my walk with God, if you can call it that. I know I thank Him for everything there is, especially what happens in my life. Like when I'm almost hit by cars when cycling, I always thank Him for keeping me out of harm. And there's always a breeze or rain when I pray for it. There's also my school work. I thank Him for keeping me from having to re-take modules. But the thing is, after my uber-Christian classmate questioned my lifestyle, I was left wondering about the things I do. Like smoking and cursing, watching a little "blue stuff" now and then and stealing. Well, God gave us the freedom to choose our actions, but that's not an excuse for me to do the things I do. I can go into a debate about the freedom of choice, but I think I need time to think it over before I burn out, what with all the Christians and their way of doing things. Everyone has their own intepretation of things, so therefore no one can say their words are concrete unless God marks it as His own way. But I stand by my point of view about freedom of choice. But my conscience is bugging me all the time about what I do. I need to come to a consensus. I need to re-think my life and the things I do and change myself for what I define as "better" for myself and not for others. And damn... first thing I got to do is to stop taking Fedec before blogging.

Looking in the mirror

2005-11-06T18:56:00.000+08:00

It seems to me that someone wasn't quite happy with my previous post. Well, that person is Kooichi, and he recently set as his MSN nick something along the lines of "Ben, look in the mirror". Well, I took his advice and looked in the mirror, and I realised that I had a little stubble growing on my chin. So I put on some shaving foam and shaved it off. I kind of felt much better, and refreshed, without all that hair on my chin.

Ok, fine, I shall not be lame. I know what that bugger meant when he asked me to look in the mirror. Yes, I've made fun of others before, teasing them until it hurt when I laughed. No, I wasn't beaten up, it was just that it was painful to laugh anymore. But it's been so long ago since I've teased others for the fun of it, with nonsensical and made up claims. Now that I've grown and matured (mentally and physically) quite a bit, I realised that making fun of people isn't all it's made out to be. Yes, it might be fun, but in the long run, you realise that there is more to life than making fun of others. Nowadays, though I still poke fun at people, I do so only if it's happened to them before and it's funny (Both criteria must be met. Heh...). I don't go all out to accuse people of being or doing what they've never said, done or had happen to them, just for the sake of having a few laughs and making them look like idiots. It's just so immature to do things that way.

Now, there are only 3 reasons I know as to why people do these things.
1) They're immature.
2) They're unsure of themselves and feel the need to make fun of people, to make them look small in order to make themselves look big.
3) They're a combination of both.

But, if you look at it another way, having an ego is a sign of immaturity. And those with wgo don't realise it. They constanly seek to fulfill their insecurity with the hurt of others. They don't care what they do as long as they fulfill their own needs, regardless of the cost.

So, does calling someone gay when you know it's not true a good thing? Aren't those claims made just to fulfill your own selfish means of getting humour? I'm sure that there're other, much better ways to create humour other than coming up with stories crafted just to make people look and sound stupid. Look at society and you will see this behaviour prevalent in people around. They claim to be mature, but are they really? People say maturity is shown in many different forms, but can this be considered mature? I hope that whoever read this will think about what they do, and hopefully change for the better if they are the kind of people I'm writing about.

Juvenile idiots

2005-11-03T06:31:00.000+08:00

I feel that Kooichi, Isaac and LK are idiots. Juvenile ones at that. I don't get it when they keep making gay jokes about me. I'm not gay, I know that I'm not and I told them to stop joking about it. What irks me is the fact that they constantly keep irritating me with this "topic". It's been going on for 2 years and I don't know why they can't stop it. Sometimes I get so irritated with it I feel like hitting them. And the fact that they keep going on and on about it, like it was something really glorious to talk about, without showing me any respect. Even in the presence of people I do not know, they say such things. Why can't they stop? Is it due to ego? That's a possibility. Feeling insecure with themselves they make others look stupid just to feel good about themselves. And they spread it around so much so that other people know about it. I just hate it. I loath the fact that they can call me their brother, yet make such derogatory remarks, comments and jokes about my so-called sexual deviance in or out of the presence of outsiders.

Now, it's not like I act gay or even do anything remotely gay. All that nonsense about me enjoying sodomy with my relatives and close friends is really getting on my nerves. The fact that they insult me is bad enough. But when they put my grandfather, father or twin brother into the mix is bad enough. They show no respect for anyone related to me. What the hell? If you don't respect me that's good enough. Why bring up my elders or peers and make it seem as if majority of the males i know, exluding them, enjoy partaking in deviant sex acts. Everytime I meet up with them it's the same old thing happening over and over again. It's always about me being gay. I wonder why they know so much about the lifestyles of gays, when I myself whom they pronounce to be gay, don't even know that much. Don't ask me why I know this for a fact, yet am so irritated by it. If you were in my shoes, you would feel the same. And it seems that Kooichi, who delights in calling me gay, is the gay one. While cycling he can go around rubbing other's thighs, crotches or ass. It's really ironic.

And not only that. It seems that they have some vendetta against me. Everytime we play certain games like "Dai Dee" (Big Two) or Word Attack, I seem to be the one whom they want to lose all the time. If I ask why, I'm told that it's just to train me to play the game better so that I can hold my own with other people. It's just a stupid excuse to explain away the fact that they're just ganging up against me. I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. I'm assertive enough for my own rights, but with the numbers stacked against me, how could I possibly win? And I'm lucky that I've learnt to control my volatile temper, or else I would get into too many fights already. I think that maybe it's time to maybe let my temper flare out when I feel things are getting out of hand. I can't always think that just because they're my brothers I shouldn't do such things. I've been too naive up till now. I want and am going to change things because I don't want to be on the losing end all the time.

One more thing I realised. Kooichi professes to have a wide knowledge of the english language, yet claims 'perspire' is spelt 'pespire'. No matter which version of the English dictionary (British or American) we're following, the action of sweating is spelt as "perspiration". And he can spell so many words wrongly, yet accuse me of being wrong. And all three of them present early this morning accused me of being egoistic. When you're right and you know it, that's not being egoistic. It's when you're wrong and yet argue that you're correct shows that you're egoistic. Sometimes people can be so blind to their faults. It shows how immature and juvenile they are mentally. I don't know when they'll ever come to realise it. But for their sakes, I hope it's soon.

"Bitching" about my brother (Part II)

2005-10-29T04:43:00.000+08:00

I do feel the need to bitch about my younger brother again. He's constantly being an idiot. Oh, sorry. I meant to say that he's an idiot. And a bloody hypocrit. I can't stand the things he does. Not that I'm being baised or anything because my mom treats him like gold and stuff, but because he's REALLY IRRITANT!

For starters, he's arrogant, has no manners, a hypocrit and a person who puts friends/personal needs above family in certain important matters. He likes to butt into conversations or arguments when he's not involved, likes to enforce his opinions, like they're holy writ or something, and struts around like he's holier-than-thou. I can't stand it. If he was someone other than my twin brother, I'd not think twice before punching his face (and not that I've never thought about it before).

And recently, he quite pissed me off when he just went to work last Sunday, promising to attend my grandfather's birthday celebration. But he didn't turn up! And he didn't call to tell. And what am I to say? And then my mom doesn't even tick him off about it. And when I miss such occasions like this because of personal commitments like school, I get scolded and called irresponsible. It's really a "What-the-F**k" kind of scenario. And I don't believe he was working. He says he was, but who's to prove. I for one, don't believe that.

And now, to crown things off. He has accused me of waking him up at 4am in the morning. One thing first. If he didn't take MY WEIGHTS into HIS ROOM, and NOT RETURN THEM, I wouldn't have woke him up and asked him for them. Besides, I didn't take them back from Lionel Lee just to let him use them. I train after 3am everyday, unless I'm busy. And if he had the courtesy, he would tell me he's borrowing them and then put them back in my room after using them. And when I start calling him on his cell phone to "please return my weights", he starts screaming and shouting that I'm disturbing him. And I think my neighbours can hear it, because I can hear it from my window. So, it's his fault that he didn't return my property. And he can argue all he wants about me taking his stuff if he wants to, and I won't care, because none of his stuff is in my room. And basically I'm pissed because he likes to take things into his room without asking, and doesn't put them back. He once took my laptop adapter and I couldn't use my laptop, because he locked his room door and went out, and my mom wasn't at home to open his room door for me.

I really hate it when he does that kind of stuff. And he always harps on and on about people taking his things and never putting them back. Well, so now who's the culprit. And I thought that the weights were in my dad's room, until I realised that my dad doesn't use my weights because he has his own. So there, I have a complete prick for a brother. And oh, one more thing. I don't know which idiot, being not rich, can give a $500 Sony MP3-CD player to a friend, and then buy a Creative Zen Mini. I find it pretty stupid, since he always complains of a lack of funds, and always begs me for cigarettes. Since he wants to be a total prick, I'm not going to give him any more cigarettes. As a matter of fact, I regret giving him that one stick of cigarette before he left the house this afternoon. I'm such an id... wait... he's the idiot. Sorry. That was going to be a figure of speech. But guess I better not put it in.

Wet Dreams and the Singapore Society

2005-10-18T11:04:00.000+08:00

Well... Somehow the idea of writing a funny piece on "Wet dreams" doesn't seems so funny after you've been awake from one for about 45mins and counting. But I can't seem to resist the temptation to write such things. Like the last one I did on the spur of the moment, the one that said that gays and lesbians shouldn't adopt? It made people delete me on Friendster. The body count was obvious, but I'm still going to write about this, because this topic is quite "taboo" in Singaporean society (Hey look! A new definition. Singaporean Society - used to describe a society which is very stiff and with a stick stuck up its collective ass). In a sense, it's taboo because such topics are the ones that people shy from discussing about, even in normal conversations. It's such a sad thing, because it would be a great way to start a conversation. "So how many wet dreams did you have in the last month?" Gee whiz. Try to imagine how many people would find it funny. Haha.

So! On with the main story. I woke up from a wet dream today. It was kind of weird, because (1) I could feel it (Normally I'd be "concussed" throughout my dreams) (2) The moment I woke up the first thing I thought was "It would be funny to blog about this". Luckily, I was lying on my side when I woke up, so no messy goo all over myself. People might think it's gross, but it's a natural cycle in life when a guy is over-producing. At least I'm natural and human. It also means that I haven't got laid in what seems like months, plus I don't masturbate much anymore. I think I'm becoming celibate! And talking about celibacy, I wonder if Catholic priests, Buddhist monks, Imams and other "Men of the cloth" have wet dreams. For Catholic priests, I wonder if they tell the altar boys that it's candy and to lick it off. Now that would start off a whole new controversy. Buddhist monks probably get all "comfy" with one another in their rooms. Imams? Now I wonder what they would do. Oh yes... I bet they'd just call Jihad on me for writing this unnatural piece and that "Man does not have wet dreams".

I apologise for digressing. Sometimes weird thoughts come in and I must process it before going on. Now come to think about it, I can kind of recall my dream. I dreamt that I was a cartoon and making love with a cute girl with big... mammary glands (so not going to say the "T" word). Yeah... a cartoon. Seems kind of kinky, but I like... So then I was stuck in my room, thinking of how I was going to go and wash up. Peeking out my door, I saw my mom napping on the couch. Thus I quietly made my way to the toilet and took a shower. And now I still can't believe that I woke up during a wet dream. Damn! And just 6 hours after I lost my cell phone. But the dream was memorable. She smelled good... Even... tasted delicious... Huh?! Ok... That was a weird moment there. Guess I'm still sleepy. For those of you morons out there: No, my hands weren't in my pants because it was a "mental orgasm". Pretty cool name huh?

I'm sleepy... I slept at 8am, and woke up at 10.22am... I need to get back to sleep. Need to wake up at 2pm and watch the repeat of "Lost" on AXN.

2005-10-14T09:14:00.000+08:00

Oh my God... I just woke up from the worst dream ever. If you can call it a dream, that is. I think it was rather more like a nightmare. I can still vividly recall it, the way I woke up with a jolt and the thought "Oh f**k oh f**k oh f**k" going through my mind, and then muttering "What the f**k?". It was all so real! So now just let me just go through the details of this horror.

It all starts with me dreaming about some guy, whose facial features aren't clear, walking along somewhere that resembles Ang Mo Kio Ave 6 (Where I've lived until I was 12). The Guy (I'm going to call him that) is all dressed up, wearing a suit and smoking a cigarette, walking along the road to the Big Mac Center. Then suddenly he's ambushed (Or confronted?) by a big group of gangsters who start attacking him, and he proceeds to beat the crap out of them. The fight is over and The Guy looks down on the gang leader, smirks and tells him to do some research before going to beat up their targets. So then it happens. The Guy looks at his watch, and remembers that this is his wedding day. He starts to panic and seeing a taxi, he rushes for it, gets in, and gives the driver the address of the church where he's supposed to be married in.

Now the scene switches to the interior of a church, packed full with people and the bride is sitting in the front pew (which looks oddly familiar), and the pastor is saying something like "... and so he is late again" and people in the crowd whipering that "The Guy is even late for his wedding!?" (And I could hear my subconcious in my dream saying something like "What an idiot! He's late for his wedding? What kind of idiot does that?"). And then, as the pastor turns his back and opens the bible, already unable to control his laughter, when The Guy runs past the (glass?) wall panels that are on some side of the hall, and bursts through the door. Everyone turns to look, and from somewhere in the pews someone mutters, "What a prick." (Can't say whether it's my subconscious saying that). He walks up to the altar and stands beside the bride. And now it starts to become scary. Suddenly I hear someone say to me "Do you take *name* to be your lawfully wedded wife, to *blah blah blah blah*...", and I mutter something like "What the f**k, I'm 19!?" (Note: This is a dream. I won't say something like that in real life), which luckily no one hears. Taking a look around, I realise that I'm in Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church (Which I've been attending since I was 3), standing in front of the pastor, with my bride on my right. I haven't seen her face and I'm starting to hope she isn't some b***h I know and hate. So we exchange vows and then kiss.

The scene changes now to some setting (wedding banquet?) and there's a slide show of the bride being shown on a large screen, which someone on my left saying "Isn't she pretty/cute/innocent? *blah blah blah*..." And I'm slinking down in my seat, wishing I've never slept. And then the slide show, which most probably was done by my friends start, and people start laughing and talking and saying that I do a lot of stupid things, all meant in jest. And now I start cursing myself for sleeping instead of chatting online and playing FFX (Now that's a "What the F**k kind of thought). The scene changes yet again, and it seems I've decided not to drive, opting instead to take the bus with my wife. We're in a bus that's going past Shun Fu (The Bus 74 route), and my wife is hugging my arm and snoozing, with this peaceful look on her face (I honestly don't know who she is, coz it's quite blurry). And then someone whom I recognise stands up from the seat in front of me, she presses the bell, holding the pole and waiting to alight. Now this is where I suddenly wake up with a jolt. I just sit upright in my bed.

Now I don't know why I dreamt about this. I haven't thought about marriage ever in my life. I've only talked about it with my brothers, jesting about it and stuff like that, never seriously. I've also said that I'd never invite my brothers to my wedding, because I'd be utterly humiliated with the crap they're going to be probably be planning for it. Hey! I defend that right to deny them the pleasure. A wedding is serious! It's not like when you're planning someone's birthday bash, when you can do a lot of humiliating things to someone. Thinking about it, this is probably my fear of commitment, and commitment at the highest level, which means marriage. I'm still young, maybe thats why I'm so fearful of that dreadful "C" word. I'm starting to get sleepy now. I slept at 4.30am, and I woke at 9am. I'm going back to sleep now. Here's to hoping I don't dream about marriage this time.

2005-10-11T08:56:00.000+08:00

I just watched FFVII Advent Children again, for what seems like the 5th time in a week. For those who know me, I'm a loyal fan of FFVII. It's like the whole show is so good! But for those who've never played FFVII at all, you won't understand the storyline even though the movie's been subbed. I encourage to go play the game, or else just ask someone who's played FFVII for like more than 10 times and understands the story very well. Oh, that's me. Hehheh. I don't know how, but my ego (that's come about with completing the game that many times) has surfaced again! Haha. Ok... On with it the post!

Well, it was a little disappointing to see only Cloud perform Limit Breaks. I wanted to see the other characters' Limit Breaks as well. It'd be so cool! The animation is the best I've ever seen, and comparing it with other animations like "The Animatrix", "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" and "Corpse Bride", it's just the best. I can't find any other words to describe the movie, as I'm awed by such seamless and realistic animation, superb plot, and spectacular fight scenes and motorcycle chases. Cloud is still so calm, cool, stylish, uber with his new swords and heroic. Tifa is still so pretty yet dangerous with her fists. Vincent is still damn mysteriously cool and dangerously skilled. Barret is still damn loud-mouthed, vulgar, head-strong and always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Red XIII or Nanaki, is now the "steed" of Cait Sith, and he still is agile and young for his race. Yuffie is still cute, materia-crazed, having air-sickness and also immature. Cid is still damn cool, macho and powerful with his spear and airship. And Aerith, what can I say. She is the most powerful in the game, and still is, as she is probably the one controlling the lifestream. Beautiful and graceful, yet blessed with a strong-will and the heart to help people. And she isn't a nag. What else can I say? Aerith is the best. An ideal girlfriend for anyone.

So I'm going to list the Limit Breaks Cloud performs in the battles.

1) In the battle in the forest surrounding the conch-shaped entrance to the Ancient Capital, when Loz uses what seems like an Quake spell to attack Cloud in the form of a wave, Cloud destroys it with what I think is "Blade Beam", his Limit Level 2-1 Limit Break.

2) When he faces off in the final round with Bahamut Zero, he stabs into the neck of the summon monster with his blade and drags it along, cutting into the spine of the monster, ending off with a jump off near the tail. I believe this Limit Break to be his Limit level 2-2 Limit Break, "Climhazzard".

3) During Cloud's final confrontation with Kadaj, he hits Kadaj with his sword, sending him flying off the edge of the building. This is most probably Cloud's Level 3-2 Limit Break, "Finishing Touch".

4) The final and most impressive of Cloud's Limit Breaks is performed on Sephiroth. His Level 4 Limit Break "Omnislash" is the most impressive and in the game FFVII it deals what seems like 11 hits at 9,999 damage per hit for a total of 109,989 damage (Only if you give him 3 hero drinks before he performs "Omnislash"). A most powerful Limit Break if you ask me.

That concludes this post. Thank you for reading. Oh... Great timing. FFVII Sephiroth's Theme just started playing on my Winamp player. This is just way cool. The ending theme song for the last fight in FFVII and FFVII Advent Children. Probably means I have to go sleep. Ciao!

2005-10-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, I've just finished watching "War of the Worlds". Just the name of the show can provoke thoughts, via the twisting of words. You know, a porn flick could be made and named "Whore of the Worlds". It'll probably be some kinky shit with the lead actress wearing an alien costume. Hahaha. Well, overall, it is a good show. Tom Cruise show some pretty good acting, as with Dakota Fanning, acting as a 10-year-old girl with the maturity of a 14-year-old but the courage of, well, a huge majority of the women around.

There are some memorable scenes in the movie. Like the first part. Tom Cruise, divorced and still a bachelor. Take a look at his house. It's typical 100% male bachelor pad. And unless you're male, metrosexual or whatever crap your genes say you are, your bachelor pad will look like that. And then the part where he asks the Italian mechanic (Why do I say he's Italian? That's because the Italians are probably the only ones to name their male kids "Manny") to get in and he asks Tom to get out. Well, it's known that Italians are stubborn idiots, unwilling to listen, ears blocked with pride. You want an example? My friend Daniel Marini.

Oooh... And here's my favourite scene in the movie. The part where Tom gets caught and selected for... extraction? Yeah, basically in the original novel the Martians used human parts for something diabolical, probably to power their machines. So he gets caught, and chances upon the utility belt of a soldier. Taking 2 grenades, he gets pulled up, but gets secured by the soldier who asks people to form a "human chain" to pull Tom out. So when they pull Tom out, he shows that he has pulled the pins and everyone gets down, waiting for the explosion. So the explosion comes, taking out the huge tripod-like machines, saving everyone who in the cages on the machine. Well, here's my point. What Tom did looked like a suicide bombing. So there! Suicide bombers do have their plus points. They can take down a machine fortified with force-fields and heavy armaments. Haha. Well, that's just me crapping there. A whole lot of crap just to lead to one crappy point. LoL.

Gotta go. I want to watch the subbed version of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. I've watched the unsubbed version so many times, so here goes! Kudos to Square-Enix for coming up with the Movie of the Year. Ciao!

2005-10-05T06:11:00.000+08:00

It's drizzling now. Yeah. I want to rant, curse, scream, etc., etc,... Want to know why? Because it was raining heavily as I made my way home from Bishan, and as I stopped under my void deck, the rain stopped. Now isn't that a bitch? And don't try to pacify me by saying I should enjoy the water, as I'm an Aquarian. That I should be a pacifist too won't stop me from throttling you.

Well, and I'm still pissed off at the person who bitched at me, while not knowing the entire story. She says I've been a prick to my twin brother for always trying to find fault with him, for calling her out for a drink at the Prata Shop in Thomson at 3.40am, that I should settle my personal issues, etc., etc,... Well, about the 3.40am thing, I was in the wrong. Not everyone is a night owl like my bros and I. But hey, it's only asking, so you don't have to get all riled and stuff. If you don't want then fine. What the hell's the problem?

Now getting to my the point where I'm a prick to my younger brother. It would help if I told every one my side of the story, and you decide who's the prick.

1) He was the one who lent the PS2 to his friend for 3 months, and despite my parents and I asking him to bring it back after the first few weeks, he did not. And when the PS2 came back I found that all my saved game data had been deleted from the memory card. And my brother's lame excuse to my Mom after I complained? "I thought Ben didn't need it anymore." Like what the f**k is that supposed to mean? It's not his right to delete my data, and let his friend use our PS2. Come on, if his friend wanted to save his game data he should have bought his own memory card right? 300+ hours of game play gone like that. Imagine if I was earning like $5 an hour for playing, that would sum up to around $1500. And the thing is I never allowed my brother to delete the data, and also that he never apologised to me for deleting the data.

2) Why should my brother be avoiding me in the first place, unless he did something wrong? If he did, then he should own up and stop being such a coward. I won't hit him if he didn't piss me off. Come on, the times I almost hit him were the times he either insulted our parents or did something that really pissed me off. And did I mention that he loves bad mouthing my parents in front of friends, but acts like an angel in front them? It's like what-the-hell man, stop being a hypocrit.

3) If my brother wants to bitch about me, why can't I bitch back about him? Is there a problem? And by the way, he started the bitching first. You can't expect me to just sit there and let him bitch, bitch and bitch without me saying anything right? I've been misunderstood by people for too damned long just because I've kept quiet and not fought back. So now that I do, I'm labelled "a prick"? Somehow that sounds so wrong. Plus if you want to bitch about someone, get your facts right before even opening your mouth or using your hand to type or write.

And now, I would like to highlight some interesting things about bitching.
I call them Ben's Laws on Bitching.

I) If you bitch about a person/company/whatever, don't expect people to keep quiet and take the bitching, because people will fight back, by bitching or otherwise.

II) Before you bitch, get your facts right, preferably from all sides before saying or writing anything.

III) Always back up your bitching with evidence, or you will look and sound stupid because there will be people who knows what happened.

IV) Don't think you have the upper hand because you're influential. Some people can take you up to Heaven and then down to Hell.

V) Bitching can lead to lawsuits.

VI) He/She who bitches first thinks he/she has the first laugh. But the person who knows the most bitches last and has the last laugh.

VII) Don't bitch, and your mouth will itch. Bitch a little, people will bicker. Bitch more, and you'd be called a whore. Bitch a lot, and people will buy your body a plot.

That's all folks. Enjoy.

2005-10-03T18:18:00.000+08:00

Someone just spoilt my day with a message she sent me on Friendster. Granted, she's one of my friends, but she isn't on my Friendster list. She was being mean and stuff in her message. Calling me a prick and using all those slangs, insinuating that I was an asshole. As if I wasn't nice to her before. I don't know what I did to warrant such rude treatment! And I'm not in the best of moods today because I had diarrhoea the night before and couldn't sleep properly, and had a bad time cycling after I woke up because of my lack of sleep.

And just now, when I opened up my message box in Friendster I saw her message, so full of cynism and sarcasm, all aimed at me, I got annoyed. Who the heck scolds you for no reason? Yeah, no matter how much you rile and rant at me, I can take it, but to a certain extent. You don't go all out to scold me for no damn reason! She told me once that she builds a wall around herself when she thinks some guy likes her. Well, I sure as hell only like her as a friend. So that rules out that reason, unless she thinks I like her.

2005-09-27T03:30:00.000+08:00

I feel that it's getting boring blogging posts that make my brother look bad, even though what I post is true and it is simply gratifying to refute all his claims and destroy his little fantasies. The posts are simply too time consuming to type out. I will only post one more reply on my blog to his recent spate of nonsensical rants. In future might blog in response to his post. But for now, the novelty of it is wearing off.

Now, I've just read one of Stephen Hawking's lectures regarding the Big Bang Theory. It's very complicated, but facinating enough for me to want to read it. It talks a lot about how the universe came into being 15 billion years ago, according to certain Laws of Physics, and how there might possibly be a period before the universe was born. It also mentions that maybe in about 20 billion years the universe might collapse. It's truly a work of genius, and I don't know enough about it to write anything in this post, but I'm intrigued by it, and I plan to rad up further regarding the work of Stephen Hawking.

And now for something I find really disturbing. I truly believe that since Singapore is First World country, highly developed and all, we should have good local television programmes. And yes, we do have good programmes on the telly, such as documentaries and informative shows that highlight different aspects of life in Singapore. And if you think I'm also complimenting "Singapore Idol", think again. That talent show was a crock of shit. But, as far as local dramas are concerned, Singapore is really lacking in the creative department. I can't believe that there are shows such as "Shooting Stars", "Police and Thief" and "Heartlanders", which either have bad scripts, bad acting, or both.

Taking a look at "Police and Thief", don't you notice that the actors/actresses all sound so stiff, and it's a pain to hear them speak, what with their fake accents and all. And the plots are so stupid, like for example, the lead owning a rooster that costs more than what most people earn in a year and treating it like a king. Ok, it might not sound stupid, with animal activists/tree huggers around, who put an animal's worth on higher priority than a human being's. But I still stand by my opinion that "Police and Thief" is a lousy show.

And then there's the cop show "Heartlanders". Now people might be wondering why I'm bitching about this show. Well, it has a bad plot, bad acting and bad action scenes. I think the only reason why the show is being watched is because it has 2 good-looking male actors, Vincent Tay and Adam Aziz, plus this attractive female lead, Corrine "something". The plots are so outlandish/ridiculous/plain stupid/whatever, I don't even know whether it's supposed to be a drama serial or a comedy, because watching the show makes me want to laugh. Why? Because of the previous point I raised (about the plots), the stiff acting by the actors and the overly dramatic action scenes.

And the last show I'm going to bitch about is "Shooting Stars". It's the worst television programme I've ever seen. It has the worst acting and plot. None of the "Singapore Idol" contestants can act at all. Slyvester Sim looks like some gay-ah-beng-rock-star-wannabe, over-acts and is stiff, Taufik is okay, Olinda and Maia are both stiff. As for others, I can't be bothered. Both Sylvester and Taufik still look gay, Olinda is still fat, and Maia still looks like a slut. Wait, sorry, let me rephrase all that. Sylvester and Taufik are gay, Olinda is fat, and Maia is a slut. Hey, don't start forming a posse and try to lynch me. At least I'm being honest about what I think. And if parents want to know why their kids start picking up weird dating and lifestyle habits, they should look no further, but realise that "Shooting Stars" corrupts young minds. The show's producers are obviously banking on the already waning popularity of these "Singapore Idol" contestants to make it a hit. And I still can't believe that girls find Sylvester Sim "cute". I find that his smile looks perverted and disgusting, and don't know how people can liken him to Jay Chou. Jay sings much better, looks better and cooler than Sylvester can ever hope to be.

So there it is, folks. I think Singapore needs better scriptwriters. The more creative, the better. But I don't this will happen in the near future, what with the bland education Singaporean kids receive, which doesn't nurture creativity at all. Charging television licence fees for crap to watch isn't really very good for the masses.

2005-09-26T05:37:00.000+08:00

Here I am, it's 5.37am, and I wonder what I'm doing sitting at my laptop blogging my second post of the night, or morning. Well, it seems to me that my brother Bryan Ho Chi Han has blogged another "literary masterpiece" aimed at making my friends and I look bad in everyone's eyes. It also seems to me that he doesn't learn his lessons very quickly.

Ok, firstly, I do have to apologise for my friends using his nick to make fun of him. I have to admit that it wasn't very friendly on their part.

Now, let me get to the point, or points he brought up this time around. No one attempts to use sarcasm. People (i)use sarcasm, not attempt to use it. How does one attempt to be sarcastic, I don't know. Either your sarcasm is well aimed/timed/said, or it's put in a very obscure way. For the part about him asking our Dad to buy the sub-woofers, it isn't true, because it was me who asked. And I say asked, because unlike him, I won't drop little hints here and there like a girl in order to get my point across or in order to obtain something. It was one fine September day when I called my Dad and said, "Hey Dad, can you buy me a set of sub-woofers? My speakers aren't working that good anymore" and voila!, within the week I had a new set of sub-woofers.
So when my friend accused Bryan of asking my Dad to buy stuff , he was talking about the PS2. My brother seems to think that whenever my Dad buys something, it belongs to him alone. He hoarded the PS2 and claimed it was his, and recently lent it to his friend for 3 months without caring about who actually owned the PS2 (since my Dad bought it, he's the rightful owner).

I would also like to highlight another case. When I started Poly, I didn't have a printer in my room. At that time, my brother was using the old Canon Bubblejet printer in my house. So my Dad bought another printer, a Canon i560 for me to use. So after I set it up in my room nicely for a month, I come home one day and find it in Bryan's room, along with the old Bubblejet. And so there the new printer stayed for a long time, and whenever I took it back, it would "magically" appear back in my brother's room. And recently he claimed that the printer was his. Wow... nice one. You want fries with that? He already had a good enough printer in his room, but because I've a new printer, he must use it. He doesn't seem to get it into his head that not everything in the house is meant for him to use exclusively.

And now he says that I'm being unfair by accusing him of discrediting him on my blog. What I said on my blog is entirely true. He also claims that he doesn't create trouble, and insinuates that I'm the one that starts all the problems. The thing is, majority of the problems at home are caused by him. For example, whenever there's an argument that doesn't concern him, he likes to butt in and say his 2 cents worth, which is really unnecessary and does nothing but cause tensions to escalate and make me angry at him for being such an idiot.

Some people say we shouldn't blame idiots, because they are born the way they are. But I say that some people aren't born idiots, just that they learn the "Tao of Idiocy" from their friends, and thus need to be punished to make them see the light. One example of a disciple of the "Tao of Idiocy" is Bryan Ho. And since he has grown up in the same house with me for 19 years, he should know what kind of temper I have and not try to piss me off by saying stupid things, which almost always lead to bad conclusions. What can I say? He's an idiot.

And please don't make yourself and your friends sound so pathetic by saying that my friends and I outnumber you guys 20-to-1. Don't think that by saying so in your blog you can garner sympathy from people. Only people who are weak use this sort of excuse, saying that people bully them, when they themselves don't know how to stand up and say "SHUT THE F**K UP!" Besides, I don't think when a wiseman said that "stupidity is abundant and wisdom is little", he was aiming at collective groups of people. Within a group itself there may be elements of stupidity and wisdom. And what makes a group of people so special is the way they work with each other, making use of each individual's unique talents to forge stronger ties and to make the bonds stronger. It's not to say that once a group of people are together, they're either all stupid or all wise. It doesn't work that way. Besides, I rather you not insult my friends, because I've known them longer than you've know your current group of punks. We take responsibility for our actions, and won't backstab. Bryan, look what your friends did. He stole your cellphone. What does that say about your friends?

On the subject that he buys stuff with the money he earns, I have nothing much to say, except that my Mom paid for part of the cost of his Nokia 6670, and that he didn't buy the bed he sleeps on. Well, he did (i)want a new bed. So shouldn't he have paid for it himself if he's so proud of the fact that he buys his own personal wants himself? The meals he eats? Well, he just buys instant noodles (everyone knows how cheap they are) and uses ingredients my parents buy. And what of the groceries he buys? Cereal, milk and fruit juice? Are those his 3 meals of the day? My Mom still cooks for him, even if he doesn't come home. But she throws away the food by 12am to 1am, if the food cannot be kept, as the refridgerator is often already full. She will always keep soup for him though, which he will either ignore or just take the ingredients and cook instant noodles with them.

And oh my! "The idiots will continue to wage war against the wise to prove that they are smarter, wiser and much more intelligent". Ok, everyone should know the distinction between idiots and wise men/women. Let's see, if people know that they are idiots, and are definitely inferior to the wise, then why the heck would they want to prove they are superior in terms of wisdom and intelligence? Doesn't that sound stupid? Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot who wrote that little gem of "wisdom". Not exactly material for Sun Tzu's Art of War. And he also says "the wise know when to keep their mouth shut". It seems that the "wise" know when to keep their mouths shut, but not to stop their fingers from typing. It also seems that the "wise" are not that wise after all, because when you shut your mouth in order not to say anything, you don't foolishly post everything on your blog for people to read. And I didn't know that Bryan was a quiet one. He always seems to like to make derogatory comments about people. Not a very wise thing to do, right?

Oh my, oh my, oh my! Bitch, bitching, bitched. Now now, we all know who started all this "bitching", Bryan. Don't go looking around at others. You started bitching about us, so now you'll stop talking about us like you're so much better, and then we'll stop talking about you. We don't bitch about people, as it's such a rude way to put things. We discuss about situations and recent developments that are in the news. You like to make it sound as if you're never in the wrong, yet you love to insult people, thinking yourself better than them. It's already so evident in your posting, when you call us "idiots", and you and your merry band of friends "wise". And that is the attitude of people who consider themselves "holier-than-thou".